Channeling from Source

On June 22, 2018 another Massive Awakening took place.

It all started with a journey at the beach with my soul family in a beautiful island.

Of course, I didn't know my life was about to change. We all went to the beach and chilled. I spent pretty much the entire time in the water, connecting with her, with the Island, with Mother Earth, with Nature and of course with my friends.

I found myself floating on the water, talking to her and sharing the love I felt for her and vice-versa. I began to understand how some people choose to “go” that way and how others realize their potential as the connection with everything becomes stronger.

It was at the moment that I was helping to get something to eat for my friend’s daughter that I felt something bigger was coming. 

I moved closer to the water, not placing my feet on her, but still close enough I could feel the wetness on the sand. As I faced her, my body began to dance in a way it hadn't before. I felt like a Goddess lost in a trance dancing her pains away. Well, ... it literally happened that way. My hands commenced to move energy in a beautiful and graceful way; seeing it all.  My mouth began to make some noises as a different breathing took place, and my body continued to dance. I felt as if I was watching everything behind the scenes, yet I was there fully present during the entire process.

Things were being released from my being, things that had been in my family for generations and because of fear of taking the leap of faith, hadn't been released. It was my job in this lifetime to do it. Although the release was painful, it wasn't uncomfortable and not once did I cry throughout the process. I felt so much gratitude at knowing what was going on. I kept hearing my friends talking to me and about me making sure I was Ok, yet I couldn't stop what was happening, nor did I want to.

As the process continued and the released was finalizing, it came to my awareness that what I was releasing was not only from my Divine Feminine, but from the Collective as well. I was releasing that for us all. This realization brought more gratefulness and humbleness to my being as I experienced such a connection to all of us. The “We are ONE” became more than just a concept, it became reality.

When the release finalized, my being continue to danced in glory and in bliss. Energy was still being moved not only with my arms but also with my torso, head, hips and legs, and although my eyes were closed, I saw it all through THE eye. When it all finished, I stayed still and brought my hands to my mouth in a "Holy Smokes" kind of motion. I walked towards my friend not knowing what to say. She looked at me and asked if I was Ok and I told her,

"I remember who I am."

She hugged me and I cried telling her about watching my people being murdered, about the destruction, about it all.

I went to bed, after having an indescribable and beautiful experience with my beloved and woke up due to something that was happening with my tongue. It was as if someone had a hold of it and pulled it in all possible directions non-stop, stretching it beyond belief. I didn't know what was happening, yet again, no part of me felt fear. I knew something magical was happening even if my mind, couldn't comprehend what was going on. In my heart I knew everything was alright. Some noises came out of my mouth as my tongue danced and I allowed it all to unfold as I surrendered deeper to the process. Luckily for me, I was already used to "weird" things happening since the moment my Kundalini energy shot up in June of  2016.

This went on for what felt like an hour or so and then I passed out again. When I woke up, I felt so different. SO different. I had shifted massively and there was no denying it.

We had all planned to do a little ceremony for a friend to let go of something/someone in Nature, close to water. So before heading to Nature, we went out for brunch. There were so many of us and we all could not fit in one car, so I asked my housemate if I could ride with him on his bike. I had already shared with him my experience of the night before since he had stayed in. The shifts from the previous night continue to evolve as if the day had not ended.

As soon as I got on his bike, my hands moved to his back and I began to channel something. I heard,

"Channels are being opened."

I began to say something in a language I "hadn't heard" before. I remember asking him

"Do you hear what I'm saying?"

He said he could hear something, yet couldn't put the words together and neither could I at that moment. My hands moved effortlessly on his back, as if I knew what I was doing yet part of me had no clue what was happening. The language started to come out stronger as I began to pull energy out of him, sending it to Mother Earth and she would send it back to me cleaner to put it back in him. It was so fascinating!

The entire time we hiked to get to this water place for the ceremony, my hands were "playing" with energy, and speaking this "new" language. I couldn't even stop the motion to grab my backpack nor to do anything else.

When the ceremony ended, we all headed back. I needed to exchange some money and get some fruits, so we did that before heading back home. Again,

"Channels are being opened"

was heard and healing was happening for my housemate, the entire way to exchange money, buying, fruits and heading back home. When we got back, I channeled a session for him speaking in a Light Language and singing it as well. I truly was amazed the entire time I was channeling as something similar to that hadn’t happened before. When it was over I said to him,

"I'd like to explain what just happened, but I have no idea what just happened."

  This massive awakening was not over yet. Little did I know, the next day was still gonna be a continuation of the previous days.

Two words: Inner Dance. 

Inner Dance is a Kundalini Activation Process. It is a state of being and through it, awareness reaches a point where things come back to you giving you the realization that you had never been separated from Source.

On Sunday June 24 of 2018, I went to a Inner dance group session with my housemate. I truly did not expect what was about to happen. 

As soon as the music began, my arms danced and the language was spoken just as any other language I am fluent in. I talked, I screamed, I cried all in that ancient language. My body made all kinds of movements, that I swear if any other being was watching, would have taught I was playing out the exorcist. It kept shaking, moving and doing intense backbends which were not even part of my Yoga Asana yet. It wasn't even a big deal, my physical body did it all gracefully and nothing hurt. However, what did hurt was the release coming out.

I realized throughout the process that I had been cursed in another lifetime; that was coming out and it was EXTREMELY painful. There were 3 facilitators in the room; one was always with me... imagine the intensity. At one moment when my body was in an intense backbend position, one of them pressed on my belly and that triggered everything. I yelled and cried even louder as the curse was coming out of my left side and moving all the way up to be released through my throat. 

When it was finally out of me, I felt so light, like I hadn't felt before. A portal opened up and I saw Sacred Geometry, Metraton's Cube, and the Flower of Life all around it. I reached out to them and began to create different symbols with them. I expanded them, contracted them, made patterns and brought them into my being. I placed them on every main chakra to be more specific, starting with the crown all the way down to the root. Every time, Sacred Geometry would enter my chakras, my body would move as if a truck had hit me and a painful noise would come out of my mouth. The moment all the chakras were cleared and aligned, I was able to take a deep breath and rest for a bit. My heart rate was finally calmed down.

When I was able to move, I sat down. I immediately reached for my head, touching in it, almost not believing I had made it. I kept feeling my body in complete AWE saying in the ancient language,

"Holy Smokes, I made it!!"

And I began to laugh uncontrollably, thinking that it had taken so much effort to wake up. Yet I had done it... I could finally breathe!

Then I began to think,

“Ok well, so how do I switch to speak the other languages I know?”

My left index finger went immediately to my left temple and poked it... I started to speak in Italian. I did the same thing, and a combination of french and the ancient language came. I poked my temple again saying

"Why are you not speaking French fluently?!"

And laughing at the same time. I poked it again and English came out... at this moment, I connected with my Beloved's Higher Self and we had a Divine conversation.

I was completely in AWE at everything that had just happened and at the same time, extremely grateful.  After the conversation with my twin, my body began to do its thing again and continue to release... this time, it was about my parents.

My arms pulled in all things of directions as I was in a child's pose position. First, it was my right arm. It was pulled to the right, forward and back, as in trying to do Reverse Namaste hand position. That was about my dad and then it moved to the left side, the side about my mom. I am not recalling at this moment what exactly happened, I just remember the right side being more intense. Perhaps because I had more imbalances on that shoulder than the other one... well… more noticeable ones. I kept speaking in the ancient language, crying and releasing pain... and then the music stopped; the session was over.

I was still in child's pose, breathing heavily and not being able to move. I felt that I had taken the most intense heated fitness class. My hair was all over my face, sweat all over my head and my heart beat was still rising. I felt and heard people moving and going to the bathroom, yet I was still there on the mat in stillness.

When I was able to finally move, I sat up, still in a bit of a shock. We were served tea and sat in a circle. It was sharing time. Part of me was nervous,

"What am I supposed to say? How could I even say what had just happened when I am still processing it all?"

A little crystal moved around the circle. It was a way to give the space for someone to share. I heard people's experiences, yet my heart was still like,

"Crap! What are we saying?"

Then, I came to the realization that regardless something was gonna come out and freaking out was not going to do me any good.

When the crystal arrived to my hands, I wasn't even nervous. The words came out so smoothly, I didn't even have to think about it.

"I remember,"

I said.

"I remember and I am very grateful for all of you, for holding the space and creating this collectively."

These were the words that stuck more with me, yet when I said them, I looked mostly at the floor. I knew if people saw my eyes, they were going to notice the difference and I wasn't ready for that. I needed more time for myself and to process it all.

People began to leave. My housemate came to me, he was sitting across the circle when we were sharing. I told him about my experience but at the same time, not about the awakening. I kept thinking,

"The ones who know don't speak. The ones who speak don't know." 

It took me probably a week to say it to my best friends. Yet I kept channeling and doing healing sessions, this time in my language. My channeling and connection to Source had increased and it was more powerful than ever. I knew I was channeling directing from Source; I didn't have to think about it, it just came.

From that moment on, my life changed completely. Everyday, I became stronger and more powerful. Everyday, something new would download. Everyday, the healing sessions I'd hold for others became more specific related to them, more powerful, more intense. It wasn't just Reiki... it was and IT IS Source doing the healing through me. I had become, the one thing I kept asking since I started this path consciously:

I AM the purest bridge between the Divine, the Physical Real and other Realms.

The most beautiful gift I have received in this lifetime, besides my life.

Inside out is Real

Do you remember the Pixar Movie "Inside Out"? I remember watching the it and thinking something about it must be real. I do that with pretty much all things. My system goes into assessing mode and takes little bits and pieces of information to explore them. However, even though when I first watched it I felt something about it was real, I let it be. I let it be until a few weeks ago when that movie became real in me.

I know at times things feel so out there. But are they really out there? Or are we the ones boxed in?

A couple weeks ago, during the Full Moon, funny enough, something deep was moving through me. Something very very deep. I was trying to give it space to truly understand what was going on, but at the beginning it seemed blocked by my own ego and the fact that it wanted to blame everything on my partner. Intense, so intense. I am quite certain you can relate. Sometimes the ego can be so strong!

I excused myself after being done with lunch and I went to the room. I sat on the bed hugging Star Seed, my unicorn companion, and began to pay attention. I trusted my intuition and I went away from who I am. I started to hear a different voice. It definitely did not sound like me. She complained and complained and complained about my partner like no other and trust me he is beyond awesome! She began to express herself as being deeply hurt and cried so much. I was doing such a great job keeping myself detached from the way she was talking until she began to cry. I hurt deeply. I felt her hurt as mine, as the little child that wanted to be seen and feel important. A little child that wanted to feel special and be pampered. Then, another voice popped in.

A different voice altogether defending my partner. I began to think,

"Holy shit! Inside out is real!"

Different voice, different personality, different way of speaking. Then another one spoke. Again! Completely different! This one had a big attitude. Once in a while they'd ask for my opinion on the matter. It honestly was like having a conversation with friends... friends that live within me.

It completely amazed me.

Meow... the coolest thing that happened was that through a conversation with them, I let go of a massive block that was holding me back from showing my partner my totality. How cool is that? Can you imagine that? Being able to tune inwards, in a sense detach from your different personalities or egos, if you want to call them that, in order to understand deeper your own organism and let go of anything that had been obstructing you?

I truly didn't know this was possible until it happened. This is exactly the reason why I am sharing this with you. Perhaps you can take this and apply it to your own life to free yourself and truly be.

Just be.

I was feeling such a deep sadness. I knew something big was moving through me. I just couldn't pinpoint it, so I just let it be. I began to remember my life with my ex husband, and how wonderful it truly was. We did have a blast and grew so much together. I thought the sadness was coming because of that. I had to go through an intense process for almost two years, maybe even more, to fully forgive myself for what I thought I did wrong.

My chest ached so much and I began to cry uncontrollably...

"Yup... it must be related to that," I thought.

Amor came to the room and held space for me. When I was able to calm down, I shared with him my process. The truth came out. I hadn't been sad because of my past, I was sad because I was scared. I had been scared of truly allowing Amor to see me, to see me in my totality. I told him,

"The only person that has even seen me, that I allowed myself to fully be with was Matt. Nobody else. Everybody else made fun of me. Everybody else put me down. So I am scared of letting you see me because I am scared you won't like me and leave me."

He continue to hold space for me. My mind knew that in a way it made no sense whatsoever. I know how much he loves me. I know how much he cares for me and enjoys my company. There had been this one little thing holding me back. I have known it. Many times I had said to him that I wasn't sure why my silly side was not coming out, which is a BIG part of me.

When he left the room, I sat up. I was still somewhat in awe for my response and for the truth. I began to talk to my little friends again:

"I want to ask you all something. Why are you scared of showing yourselves to him? It is completely obvious how much he loves us," I said.

There is one who always leads the show. I am saying this in the most loving way possible as she is part of me. Cindy, the child that wants to be seen. The child that wants to feel loved and important.

"I am scared he is going to judge us. I am scared he will say all these things and at the end see how we operate and take off. Opening up our heart and have it break it. I can't take it. I won't take it," she said.

"He has never judged us," I replied. "As a matter of fact, he is always there when we need him. He's next to us when we go through trances, when we release. He listens without judgement. He shows us so much love and compassion. I feel that if she didn't love us, he would've taken off a long time ago. It takes so much unconditional love to hold space for someone when they are going through such a massive awakening," I said.

"Ya..." Cindy replied.

"Do you want him to see us," I asked her. "To fully see us?"

"Yes," she replied.

"Can we let him see us? Our totality. Being silly with him. Experiencing life together fully," I asked her.

"Yes," she said.

"And you guys? Can we let him see us?" I asked the rest.

Everyone else replied the same. I felt a huge wave of relief.

"Yes it is then," I said.

They all shared with me how much they love him. It was just a massive fear that had been blocking us from allowing our totality to come out and be free from the rest. I shared this with Amor and he was very happy and pleased. I truly enjoy the fact that he doesn't look at me like I have lost my mind. 😂😂 Our lives are quite magical if I may say!

I kid you not, after that conversation a massive shift occurred. The next morning I felt lighter and I began to be me. I began to have fun and be silly. I no longer had that fear of "what is he gonna think?" As a matter of fact, I WAS having fun and he was enjoying seeing me. I saw the look in his eyes, almost as if seeing me like that made him love me more. Perhaps he was relieved since finally his partner was fully being herself without fearing anything.

Ever since then, when I feel something creeping up, it is way easier to listen to it without attaching any meaning to what it is, and without suffering. I can hear them, feel them and somehow it helps me to go beyond who I think I am to see things from a different perspective; from bird's eye view. It is such a cool trick which allows me to examine and let things move through me without going into a dark hole. Perhaps this is something we have always been able to do. Perhaps it had been hidden from us. Can you imagine if we all did something similar to it, if not the same, and free ourselves from our own suffering? The world wouldn't need the pharmaceutical industry. The power would be returned to each of us.

Wow.

What a world that would be.

I invite you sister, I invite you brother, to tune in to those deep hurts and allow them to speak to you. Perhaps even letting your personalities talk to you. It might sound crazy, but what if that little trick frees you from something you had been suffering? What if that was the little tool that will guide you deeper towards your truth? Would you take that chance?

I did and it freed me.

Light Language: Divine Activation

When I sit down and allow things to fully flow without interruption, it amazes me.

Truly.

If you would have told me five years ago or even three years ago that I would be channeling a Light Language in what I call my future, I would have been like "Ah whaaaat?!" HA HA HA HA

Sometimes we do not realize the power that is stored within us. Perhaps that's due to thinking we are only humans and those particular patterns block the ones that might be able to show us a bit more. It is so funky when we think about it. I remember reading a meme that said something a long the lines of

"You are in a Planet that is floating in the middle of the Universe and you don't believe in magic?"

That brought so much deep awareness to my system and at that moment in time I didn't get it at all. I felt it, but my mind wanted to understand every detail.

Perhaps that's the downfall of the human mind. The fact that it wants to know how things operate. At times though, there is truly no way to explaining it; it must be felt. This is the case with the Light Language that comes through me. I will try to explain as much as I can here. Please keep your mind open.

When I began to search for something bigger things didn't really come. I believe that was due to me wanting to experience something that would blow my mind. Part of me gave up. However, I continued to open portals and do energy work. They always satisfied my curiosity as things truly were shown way different than whenever I would do other things. It was when I was in Kathmandu that my life truly changed.

I am quite certain we all have, or most of us have heard about Enlightened Beings. It sounds a bit crazy no? Beings that have transcended the human mentality and have "powers." In 2017 right after finishing a Kundalini Yoga Teacher Training named "The Making of a Yogi," I traveled to Nepal. I was only there for five days, but that was exactly what was needed. The very last day I was there I was introduced to someone. This someone changed my life.

I had a vision the night before meeting this fellow that my brother Diplove came to me and said,

"There is something I want to teach you."

Now, if you were to approach a "regular" human being saying "Hey! I got a vision and you said this to me," such human would probably look at you like you're crazy. Luckily, I knew he was also a Reiki practitioner, so the crazy look wasn't going to happen. I approached him the very next day and when I said that to him he laughed then said,

"Would you like to meet my Master?"

"Sure," I replied.

"My Enlightened Master," he added.

My heart raised.

"Did he just say what I think he said?" I asked myself.

"Ya," I replied to him.

He took me to this room which was right next to the Yoga room. I had seen it every time I had gone to practice Yoga Asana there, but I didn't think anything about it. I checked my nostrils and stepped into the room with the foot that corresponded to the one nostril that was more activated. It is a sign of respect. The moment I entered I felt the change in energy.

Something BIG was happening there.

I saw a group of men sitting around this one guy. I was introduced to him.

"This is my Master, Babaji," said Diplove.

I looked into this eyes and everything in me stopped.

There is something very special about the human eye. It says it all. It can tell someone else how you are feeling, your imbalances, your traumas, and it can also tell you how awake someone is. His eyes screamed unconditional love. I had never seen eyes like his before. There was absolutely nothing that said anything else in them. Pure unconditional love poured not only from his eyes but from his entire being. I wanted to collapse on my knees and bow to him. His look had penetrated my system within less than a second and something was changing within me. Something big had already changed within me by just being in his presence.

I had a session with him the next morning before heading back to India. All I can tell you is it was beyond powerful. He knew things that literally nobody knew about my childhood and parents. He activated something in me. I know he did. The last days in Kathmandu changed it all. Enlightenment was no longer a concept but a reality. I was grateful I had listened to the guidance which had led me there. I was grateful for the deep shift within me.

A year later I found myself in Thailand, in an island named Koh Phangan. I was in an innerdance group session. Something big had begun to activate in my organism two nights before. Those two hours were so intense; they left me on the floor in child's pose catching my breath. Throughout the session I was speaking, singing, chanting and screaming in a Light Language. A facilitator came to me and whispered in one of my ears something in a language my mind didn't understand, but my heart did.

"Wake up sister. I am here for you," she said to me.

It was the exact same thing I told Ming when this kind of awakening happened to her.

It's been two years after this. Two super transformational years. In these two years I have become comfortable with my gift. I know it is not mine but humanity's. At the beginning I had no idea what was going on or what it meant. Part of me said,

"Here we go again … another thing that makes you super weird."

HA HA HA

The reality of it is that Ok yes, I am super weird but I have a gift that is beyond beautiful.

I noticed since 2018 the Light Language was doing something for others: helping them. I knew it was something I couldn't explain but any time someone would give me feedback, it would blow my mind. There was also the feeling of,

"Yes! You are doing your Dharma allowing it to fully come through."

I was so hesitant of letting people hear it. Part of it was because pretty much my entire life I have gotten really weird looks, so it would trigger something in me. However, the more it came through, the more I noticed how powerful it was.

In Burning Man of 2018 I channeled it for the very first time in a tent full of people. I heard my mind say,

"Who do you think you are to be doing this?"

The other part of me disregarded it and continued. The thing is, I wasn’t doing anything at all. Something bigger was. When the session was done, so many people came to me curious about the language and sharing their beautiful experiences. I wasn't making it up. I had a gift and it had to be shared.

I began to embrace it even if that meant it was making me even more weird than I already was. In a sense, it took the weirdness to a complete different level, but I began to take it as a compliment. I knew I couldn't hide it anymore because hiding it would mean I was cheating us all and I don’t have that in my heart. I came here to do the job which is to guide us all to remember who we truly are.

In a way I said "Fuck it!" I commenced to channel to my family, to friends then the need to share it with my clients and students became stronger than the fear of being seen as a weirdo. I gave myself full permission to embody this "power." The moment I fully embraced it was the moment that major shifts happened not only in my life but also in the life of the ones it touched. The voice also began to change. It would adjust to whoever it was speaking to, knowing exactly what to say and how to say it. I truly didn't know how a session was going to go, I just trusted and let it happen.

So now, I don't see it as a weird thing at all. It is me and I absolutely love it. As a matter of fact, I can't picture my life without it. In a sense it feels like my Mother Tongue. I know this has happened before in other lifetimes, in other realities. However, the most important thing is that I know how powerful it is and how it impacts other people's lives. It activates and deactivates different parts in others' organisms. I see it happening. How could I possibly hide this gift from all of you? I can't, doing such is being selfish. I cannot keep it in because it must be shared.

So here I am sharing it with you all because I know it does make a difference. I know it does resonate with you even if your mind cannot understand what is saying. Plus, keeping it in would mean I don't love you enough to make a difference in your life and if I don't love in that manner, I don't love myself at all.

Divine Channel

At times I am not sure how to communicate what happens in my life, in my world, as it's something beyond what the human mind can fathom. Yet, it is extremely important to share as I know and feel I am not the only one experiencing all these things. The reason why I write and share is because I want you to know that you are not alone and if you have some gifts that are seen so "out there," to embrace them. The reason why you have such gifts is because for many many lifetimes you have been doing this work; the work of the Heart. You have been leading people to freedom. You have been the example for many and many look up to you because of that. It is because of your pure heart that such deep gifts get activated and Divinity can do its work through you. Now, what a blessing that is!

For many many years, perhaps even all my life, I searched for something. I knew I was different somehow. I knew there was something so important I had come here to fulfill. The thing is that I kept searching not knowing at the beginning that when you search, in a sense you slam the door of the one thing that sets you apart from everyone else. I suffered so much trying to find it, not realizing that I had it all along. I didn't realize that what I had been searching for was calling me as well, not from the outside but from within.

It is scary to answer that call. Especially when you have already created a life. It is scary when your life goes upside down. The thing here is that even though it feels is going upside down, it is actually heading straight up. When we stop trying to control, when we stop fighting against the change, the channels clear up and they show us the way. This is what happened to me.

On 2018 I left a place I had called home for more than half of my life. I left the community, my family, my besties, my puppies and my partner. I didn't know what was ahead of me, I just knew I had to trust. The road was foggy and I couldn't even see one feet in front of me, yet there was a bigger guidance from the depth of my being that was showing me the way. I tried to seem kind of confident about it, but let me tell you one thing... I wasn't at all. I was freaking the fuck out inside. I was dying and in a sense re-birthing from within. Everything in me wanted to lose it, but the fire from inside kept me alive; kept me going.

Truly, I didn't have any other choice which I am grateful for. It was either "You follow that calling or you die." It sounds harsh, but it is the truth. I am not talking about physically, but spirituality. If I hadn't followed that guidance the spark of light within me would have extinguished itself and the one laying on the hammock, listening to the melody of the waterfall as she's writing these words, wouldn't be here.

There comes a point in life where you have seen so many things you had dreamed of seeing. When you do, there is no going back. It is similar to The Matrix. You truly cannot go back and live that one "normal" life you had had, because you are completely different.

COMPLETELY.

I had known for years that I was doing something more than energy work, something more than Reiki. In 2016 I had the first experience of being a Medium. It absolutely made my jaw dropped. I was at my dear friend Emily's apartment. She was asking me how to hold a ceremony for one of her students. Her boyfriend had just passed. I began to explain to her what to do and then... something changed. I felt a different energy coming through and HE began to speak through me. When Emily noticed this, she grabbed a piece of paper to take notes. The spirit delivered his message and when it was done we both looked at each other with the "Holy Shit" look.

How can you possibly go back to that one "normal" life? Especially when the message was delivered to her student and she cried because that was exactly how her boyfriend spoke.

How can you possibly go back to that one "normal" life?

I reached a point where I knew I had outgrown the city. The guidance I needed was no longer there and the energy in Asia began to call me. So I packed my bags and took off. That was the hardest thing I have done for far.

THE HARDEST.

I was walking without seeing. Something bigger was moving me. At times I felt I didn’t have the energy to keep going, yet I kept being moved and I am beyond grateful for that push.

In Thailand I released so much and I let go fully of who I wanted to be. I began to just be. I concentrated on myself and my journey and let go of any kind of expectation I had. I allowed life to show me the way. Even if at times it felt completely nuts, I let it be and trusted because truly, I had no other choice. I had to trust.

I had to trust I had made the right decision on moving across the world. I had to trust that whatever my parents had told me was not true. I had to trust that whatever feeling which made me take the leap of faith had been the right one to follow. And it had. It absolutely had.

At the end of June of 2018, I found myself surrounded by the most loving Soul Family. The had seen me and they had accepted me from the very first moment. They had never judged me. The had seen me as the Goddess I embody. Through the space of acceptance and unconditional love, the portal towards my truth opened up and I stepped right through it. This is when the channeling became so pure and so strong that it activated the remembrance of the Light Language that comes through me.

At the beginning I had no idea what I was supposed to do with it. However, I knew it. I felt deeply within my own organism that it wasn't the first time I had spoken that language. It hadn't been separate from me, it had been me all along and I had rediscovered it. The more I continued to hold space for others, the more it activated itself until it became normality. I no longer just had "Normal" Reiki Sessions, but I started to speak, chant and sing in that Language. Nature understood it. It became the way I spoke to her and animals as well. It became my mother tongue. Something that allows me to access Higher Realms of Consciousness and opens up a bigger space for you to do your own healing in my presence.

The more I worked with others, the more it humbled me and still does. Why? Because truly, I am not doing the work. This consciousness, the one who's typing goes away, as it were non-existent and something Greater moves through this organism. Even though I remember absolutely everything of a session, the energy that comes through, the things that are said, is not me but the Highest Version of you that comes through me to facilitated your own healing in the form of God.

I know this word can trigger many things for some. I am not referring to the Catholic or Christian God. When I say that word I meant the One thing that moves it all. The One thing that makes us experience this reality. The One thing that moves the leaves and branches of a tree. The One thing that allows the water to flow. The One thing that makes your organism function without you even doing anything at all. The One thing that creates life. That's what I mean when I say God. And within that space there's you as you aren't separate from IT, from me, nor from existence. As you are the One thing that moves it all:

God.

Perceiving Love

I find myself sitting in front of my iPad writing because I have this need for a big connection. Perhaps like the human system wants to feel loved and not alone, my system is longing for that. However, it is a different kind of connection. It is the “I understand” kind, the “I feel for you” kind, the “I understand what it feels like to want to see love in a different way than it’s been shown” kind. Perhaps it is being showed in the way I want to see it, but not in the degree I am expecting it. As my system tries to understand and even more ... to see with different eyes, I sit here allowing the words to come because I feel lost.

This is something some Masters have said not to say, just like “I don’t know,” “I can’t,” and “I’m confused,” but the thing is, I must honor my own feelings and that is the absolute truth. I do feel lost at this moment in time regarding a specific topic which is “Perceiving Love.”

I grew up in a very traditional Hispanic family. My family is very welcoming, very loving, very caring. This does not mean that other families aren’t, but mine shows it deeply. Kisses left and right, hugging, holding hands, etc. That is the way. So for me this is how I perceived love, as that was the love I grew up around and saw my entire life. However, does that mean THAT’S love? Highly unlikely. I am learning that what I perceive as love or even any other thing is not exactly how others see it. Which becomes such a shock in my system because the way I had received love for pretty much my entire life, is “non-existent.” I put these words in quotation marks because the love is super existent. I feel it and very deeply. My mind understands it but my emotional body goes through a specific shock once in a while because it wants more.

Now, is that some kind of programming? How can I deprogram my system from this?

I do have to admit that breaking codes and deprogramming my system is quite fun and exciting. However this very specific topic hits home really hard. My emotional body gets activated and it takes me back to deep deep hurts from my childhood. All these things get activated and my organism goes into freak out mode. Not something easy to get out of, especially when the roots of how you felt as a kid get triggered and the child within wants to hide. Allow me to elaborate.

As a kid, I never felt good enough. I was the chubby of the family so there was a constant battle in my head about how I look and how society and my family wanted me to look. At least that’s how I felt. The not good enough triggers the “do they like me?” question and then it goes into “I feel completely horrible and I just want to hide” mind state. So I do. I absolutely do. I go into my cancer shell and hide because the part of me that doesn’t know how to face the world comes up and takes over. This doesn’t happen a lot. It truly didn’t happen often until recently.

In the past three weeks this part of me has been activated twice, leaving me in a state where I couldn’t function. So I sat there with the feelings acknowledging them, but they absolutely took over and now I know exactly why.

There is this perception of the Twinflame journey being all unicorns, rainbows and butterflies. However, even though yes that is big a part of it, there is also the complete opposite. The Twinflame journey is all about Self-Growth. It is the path of Self-Realization and it is not very gentle at all. Your counterpart does an extremely good job at mirroring to you your deep hurts and triggers. When the awareness is there in the sense that it has nothing to do with him or her, it becomes easier to work with such information. However, at times it’s harsh and it will just give it to you like no other. Such is the case of what I was explaining above.

Amor and I grew up completely different. COMPLETELY. I am putting it in caps so you understand how extremely different it was. The way we were shown love growing up was in different extremes. While my parents hugged me, kissed me and held my hand, his parents showed their kind of love with their own unique presence. Neither of them are right. They are just what they are. Each human being has its unique way of allowing the organism to express itself and they are all beautiful. My organism shows it with affection, with little details, with being of service to the ones I love. It is quite obvious when I love someone and I have no problem whatsoever saying it out loud multiple times. It’s just the way I am. So in a sense, my system wants the same thing as it has received throughout its entire existence so far. Well that is not always the case and the reason behind it is that we all have a different way of defining what love is.

I found myself in this battle between my mind and my emotional body. My mind understood it finely. I know how Amor operates, I know how his family is, and it makes absolute sense for him to be the way he is. However, my emotional body lost it. Everything it had thought was love was questioned.

“Is he not hugging me because he doesn’t love me?” My emotional body asked.

“Of course he loves you and you know this.” My mind replied.

“But... he is not holding my hand. Even my dad still holds my hand,” said the emotional body.

“And? He is not your dad and he has his own way of loving you. You know this,” replied the mind.

“I want to understand it but it confuses me. Why can’t it just be how I want it to be?”

“Because it involves another being not just yourself. And we cannot force others to feel the same way.”

“I just want to be hugged. I want to feel safe. I want to be in the same space I have always been.”

“Perhaps this is an opportunity for growth.”

“What do you mean?”

“You have been used to a way for so long.. yes that is true. But what about expanding beyond that.”

“Beyond love?”

“Beyond your definition of love.”

“Is it wrong?”

“No. There isn’t a right or wrong way to love. It just is.”

“I’m confused”

“Rather than going into a space of victim, of “Does he actually love me?,” why not explore what the two of you can create and define your own love?”

“Ah... that does sound exciting”

“Mm hmm”

“And unique.”

“Yes.”

“I like it”

“Do you feel better meow?”

“Yes. And thank you for using the meow.”

“I know you quite well.”

“Of course you do. Thank you. I don’t feel lost anymore. I actually feel at ease and myself. Somehow by you talking to me has calmed down the girl who suffered so much emotionally growing up.”

“I’m glad. Sometimes we can help each other you know? There is a reason why we are in the same team.”

“Yes! I love you mind!”

“And I love you emotional body.”

And just like that, using the intelligence of my organism, I released what had been such a deep emotional wound and I went back to live my life with a new perspective.

Self-Sabotage

As I continue to grow, more awareness hits me. Some are very lovely, some not so much. However, I welcome it all with open arms and with so much gratitude because it is such a big confirmation of my growth and let’s be honest, who doesn’t like that? I have gotten used to being uncomfortable. Of course at times is not easy at all. At times the ego wants to come out and run the show. At times it is difficult not to let it out especially when something has hit a deep emotional wound. When this happens, I used to shut down, go to the room and be by myself. I find myself still doing that, not as much, but now I give a bit of a clue to my partner that something is passing through me. Even though I am still perfecting this aspect of my life, I am extremely proud of the progress I have been doing. I used to be a volcano and in my eyes I was always right even if clear evidence and facts showed the contrary. Ha ha ha what a game we are playing! It is quite exciting when we remember not to take things personally and of course it can absolutely work the opposite way.

I have been in this conscious path for nearly ten years. I say conscious because I truly believe we have been in it since birth and beyond whether we knew it or not. I have learned to listen when things pop up, to take care of myself, to put myself first and also to apologize when it is needed. The later one was the hardest lol as my system had this code working full force. It truly amazes me the amount of codes and limited beliefs I have been breaking during the past years. Sometimes these come up and we don’t realized they broke until the full awareness comes through. I had a huge one that came to me recently: Self-Sabotage. Allow me to share this part of myself with you. Who knows? Perhaps some things will resonate with you as well.

A few days ago, Amor and I went through a journey. Such journey allowed me to see things more clearly and in a sense see the full puzzle and how each piece comes together. Cool right? Yes, indeed. Even though it was like being around unicorns and butterflies, I truly wasn’t aware of what I had gone through or done to myself in order to be where I am. A couple days later, this awareness came. Somehow Amor kept thinking throughout the day that I was in funky mood, but truly I wasn’t. I was observing and seeing his bodies as he was going though somewhat of a stressful time. I grabbed a book, “The Mastery Of Love,” (super great book by the way!) and went to the balcony to read it. This book has been hitting home since I opened it. I laid on the hammock and something told me to put the book down. As I explained above, I have gotten pretty good at listening to messages, so I obeyed. I put the book down and heard with my heart what was coming through.

I began to see my life as a movie playing through my third eye without any judgements whatsoever. I paid attention. Something big was coming through. I felt it deeply. It was like a Plant Medicine Journey, when Mami Aya shows you your life and what you have been doing with it. I saw the very first experiences where I had felt so lost, so alone. They kept repeating throughout the years. Little by little things kept unfolding and then ... it hit hard ... how unhappy I had been throughout my life, how much disgust for myself I had had and how destructive I had also been. Of course I had known this and this was something that hurt deeply coming out. It wasn’t like it had come out from one day to the other but for years! Years upon years upon years of self-hate, self-loathing, self-destruction. Painful for sure. When I think about how many years I had spent in that kind of mind set, it makes absolute sense the intensity of my awakening, trances and releases. However, the one thing I hadn’t realized until I was in the hammock was how much I had sabotage my own happiness and life throughout my years. This is what blew my mind.

I am just going to call it the plant. Somehow it feels best calling it that way. The plant began to show me, how I had kept destroying my outside world over and over and over again because what I felt within: self-hate. I didn’t think I was worthy of love, nor happiness. I found every single little excuse to sabotage it. When I felt happy, I thought that wasn’t the right mind set or feeling, so I would do something to stop it and go back into the fear or unhappiness mode. My jaw dropped. It hadn’t just been once, but multiple times. Countless times! I could not see how beautiful I have always been, therefore my outside reality couldn’t be blissful. Even though life kept showing me my truth, I kept trying to destroy it. Why? Because in my eyes I was hideous. I was the worst person and I did not deserve to be happy or to have such a peaceful life.

It was so obvious that we indeed manifest what we feel we are worthy of and how much life mirrors what is within in the outside world.

One of the most beautiful things I have created in my life, is the relationship with my ex. This is when my jaw dropped further. He is the greatest man. Truly. Hands down. I can tell you that he is the reincarnation of an angel. He is an earthly angel and one of the greatest beings that has ever existed. Period. I have always known it, but at times I forgot. Of course. Sometimes we go so inwards and forget what is around us or forget to actually see. Well, as I previously said, I had a pretty low self-esteem and at those moments I thought I wasn’t worthy of anything. So, I did things for him to hate me. I hurt myself many times. I tried to end my life. I tried to end the relationship many times prior to the separation, but it wasn’t because of lack of love, but because in my eyes, he was WAY too good for me and he deserved more. However, I didn’t know what I was doing. I can clearly remember those moments and I truly just thought I was bipolar. I wasn’t aware of the sabotage I was doing to myself until I laid on the hammock.

It made me think how many of us do this so often and don’t even realize it. Do you do it? Do you do it as much as I used to? Wow! This is big you guys! So big! Why do we not even think that we are worthy of all the magical things in this plane of existence? Blows my mind. Completely blows my mind. I know there is a “normality” in human society and we are born into it. This is the reason why is so important, SO IMPORTANT to practice mindfulness. It is CRUCIAL to practice Self-Love until it transforms into our true nature. It is beyond important to remind ourselves daily of how absolutely stunning we are! How powerful we are! Remember that if you don’t like something in your current reality, you can always change it. You HAVE the POWER to change it. Please remember that. We didn’t come here to sabotage our happiness, we came here to create the biggest blissful path the world has ever seen!

I invite you to look at yourself in the mirror and say looking straight into your eyes how extremely beautiful you are. Whether you believe it or not, it is true.

I invite you to imagine the happiest life that you could ever have.

I invite you to give yourself permission to bring that into your current reality.

I invite you to believe in yourself.

I invite you to forgive yourself.

I invite you to love yourself.

I invite you.

Will you take the invitation?

Communication: The Art Of Expressing Yourself

I had been thinking a lot about my communication skills. As every human being, I believe, I was quite awful at communicating. I feel as that should be guided a bit as we are learning to speak. Perhaps it was the fear of truly saying what I wanted, needed, the fear of expressing myself or not even knowing how to put my own feelings and thoughts in words; spoken words. Somehow I have always been pretty good at writing, yet when it came about having an important conversation, my system would shut down.

I truly wonder if that is what also happens to you, so if you will, I would love to read your comments. =)

Back to my thoughts. As a young child, I used art to express myself, being though drawing, poems, painting. My throat chakra was so closed that I truly had first no desire to say anything and second, it honestly scared the living crap out of me to say out loud what I was feeling, hence the hiding behind my art. As I continued to evolve in life, I began to realize that communicating was actually a really big deal, so I had to learn to do so.

Have you heard the “fake it till you make it” motto? Ya... that thing ... truly I don’t believe it works very well lol at least for me at times it didn’t. Even though I took a speech class and I went to architecture school having multiple presentations in front of a jury, I still didn’t know how to communicate. One thing, and of course keep in mind that this is my opinion based on my perception and the experience we call life, is to learn how to speak in public about a project or a theme, another one is to fully communicate. The communication I am referring to is the one from the heart.

How do we relate to others? How can we sit in a room with heavy energy and speak about what is bugging us? About being hurt? About our traumas? About our limited beliefs? About the human codes?

Well first of all, we must feel safe in the environment. Whoever is around must open a sacred space, if you will, to be able to listen with its totality. This includes a space free of judgment, fully engaged on what someone is sharing and an open heart. One must feel that even if “ugly” things come out, they will see them as how they are without feeling threatened by what has been said or previous actions. It is very important for that one who is listening not to interrupt as that might break the thought process of the one who is sharing. Last by not least, the most important thing is for both to feel unconditional love from one another, support, respect and honor.

When these points are put into action, a portal opens up. Of course that other things might come up to the surface. One might feel “attacked,” therefore explaining something with compassion is also a must. One must remember not to take things personally as one experience can be seen in completely different ways from different eyes.

The main thing about learning to communicate properly is that it gives us the big opportunity to expand further. This involves not only our personal self but also the entity that we are creating with someone else, whether is with a family member, a friend, or a partner.

I invite you to think about your throat chakra as a portal for Divinity to do its work through you. Even if you are not spiritual, think about a greater force, whether you wanna call it “The Greater You,” “The Best Version Of Yourself.” Now, think about this child like entity wanting to fully express his own experience through spoken words. Just like a kid, when they are super excited about the most simple things, this entity jumps up and down and skips sharing what for it has been one of the most beautiful things in existence. Have you ever seen a kid sharing something with you? With shiny eyes? With so much joy that is hard to keep in? Well that is how this entity operates. It is full of love and gratitude for everything that has been placed in front of it and all it wants to do is share it joyfully with the rest of the world.

Moments in life happen when this portal is pushed back whether is by force, choice or because one might feel cornered up. There is nothing wrong with that or any kind of judgement whatsoever, it is what it is. It is the human experience and no one is to blame. We came into this reality that had already set up rules of how to speak, how to communicate, how to express oneself, how to look like. So of course we will get caught up in this systematic way of living. However, even though this is a big code in the human existence, it is absolutely certain that one can break free from this suffering. Of course like anything else, it takes a lot of practice.

Let me ask you something. Would you speak up about your feelings, about what you think is not fair in your eyes, about your joys, about your experiences easier if there was not a fear of judgement? I can answer for myself. Of course. Absolutely. We must remember that even though yes we might have some codes operating in our system, it is our choice if we want to keep them or not. The first thing to break free from them is to have the awareness that they indeed exist. The second one is to love ourselves enough to give us the opportunity to experience joy. How do we even begin to do this? Simple enough, loving ourselves.

Love comes from acceptance. Love comes from forgiveness. Love comes from the biggest depth of our beings, where there is no judgement to anything we have experienced. At the same time, no judgement of what we see in the mirror. Everything is absolutely perfect how it is. It is very important to remember that there is only one You. So how can one tell you how to live your life, how to dress, how to speak if they are not you? Yes, they might shine some light to you, some guidance, but at the end of the day it is by your free will that you choose to accept the guidance of not.

Now, when you begin to understand that constant or minimal judgement actually infects your system, which spreads super fast, there is a shift that happens within. This shift shines awareness throughout your life experiences so you can be aware of your thoughts, words and actions more carefully. Of course, this is not super easy to accept. Keeping in mind that eventually it will not be as difficult can help you get through this. At the same time, ask yourself, “why are you doing this?.” Allow the answer to come without editing. I do it because I deeply love myself unconditionally and because I am worth living a life full of joy.

Take a deep breath whenever your operating system is about to go into shock. Sometimes awareness is not easy to take in. That doesn’t mean that you cannot do it. It is a process so be gentle with yourself. Going back to the throat chakra. When you continue with the practice written above, you begin to give permission to your own consciousness and system to understand and believe that it is beyond ok to express itself. Sure, at the beginning you might not be certain of how to say something, but the more you practice it, the more the channels open up, connecting your heart to your throat to your third eye, to your solar plexus and etc.

Look at your being as a system. When something is blocked or overworked, it wants a break, just like a computer. When something is not working properly, other parts in the system must work overtime to keep it going. There are times that is too much and it shuts down in a form of depression, addiction, etc. The opposite also happens. When it is functioning pretty well, there is joy all around you and you begin to see with the eyes of love. You begin to accept everyone how they are even if at any point in time, they had said mean things to you. That doesn’t even matter anymore because you know that beyond this so called existence, we all come from the same dot, we are all equal.

That being said allow me to ask you the following.

Would you give yourself a chance to experience joy

Would you give yourself a chance to live fully?

Would you step out of your comfort zone?

Would you stop hiding and allow yourself to fully experience who you truly are?

I do and I know most of you if not all also do as well. So this is me saying

“You got this!”

Because I truly believe in you.

System Restoring: Letting Go of an Identity

A very simple task turned into a big healing and massive release.

Allow me to share with you this part of me.

Releases truly know when to fully come out. I wonder at times if they are beings themselves and think “Oh! This is actually the perfect time to do so!” Meanwhile the human has no idea whatsoever what is about to happen. Funny. Funny indeed. I also feel that it doesn’t just begin there. Perhaps these beings had already communicated to the system to set up the release time and to make sure nobody else was around unless needed. YES. I TOTALLY believe that is the case. Let me explain why. I was getting ready to leave my sister in law’s house. I had to go to the DMV to do some paperwork and take care of something. My mom was supposed to come with me. However, she didn’t.

As soon as I sat on the driver’s seat I felt something creeping up. Honestly, part of me thought it was due to not sleeping well since arriving to Las Vegas. I had been doing constant work, I like to call it that, and truly hadn’t stop. I let it come up to the surface. One thing I have learned a lot in this conscious healing path is to let things come up and release them with love. Oh Lord... well this love... kinda hurt ha ha ha. I began to be in my head about where this was coming from. This is something I do quite often to understand what is happening in my system. Then it clicked while I was driving on the highway. Truly my system chooses the best time for pretty much everything!

I was driving to the DMV to have my name restored back to my maiden name. I hadn’t thought much about what that meant to my being. I figured it was just a normal thing to do. However, it wasn’t just a small little task. It was big. BIG. This completely put an end to a ginormous cycle in what I call life. This meant the end to an identity that I had had for more than half my life. So it wasn’t just something simple for my insides. They were mourning just how they mourned when we left Vegas. I hadn’t thought about it in such a way. So, I mourned and I mourned hard while driving. Mind you again, on the highway.

As I was understanding the mourning process, my body began to ache. It started at my chest. Something was being pulled. It felt as in someone’s hand, I like to think it was God’s, went through my chest, grabbed the last part of this identity and pulled it out. It did not feel very good. I commenced to hyperventilate. I couldn’t breathe. Something had hit me so hard. There was no way to stop. Plus if I did and a cop stopped by me, what in the world could I say in that situation? “I am releasing my old identity big time Mr. Cop,” I’d probably be arrested and sent somewhere I don’t wanna be at. Ha ha. Who knows. Maybe in that case, by God’s grace, I’d get a cop that has experienced some kind of awakening and truly understand. The point is that I wasn’t gonna take that chance.

“Ok. Breathe. Breathe.” I told myself.

I treated it as an Ayahuasca journey. Truly, that’s how it felt like.

“You are ok.”

“It is gonna be all ok.”

”Everything is ok.”

Somehow I believe I had to convince myself because honestly, it hurt bad, and the last couple times I had cried like that, I was meditating in my space at home. It is a little different when you are sitting meditating and releasing than when you are driving. Completely different.

As the hand continued to pull the identity out, I gasped for air even though it didn’t seem like anything was happening. My heart was shattering in a sense and it wanted to cry beyond what it was doing. So I did. I cried it all out. I cried the name with which I had identified myself for so many years. I cried for that girl. I cried to that girl. I cried to those vibrations. I cried. I cried. I cried. I cried and understood that most humans don’t realize what a big deal this is. I hadn’t realize that until the moment of awareness with the crying. I felt so much compassion for my current self and my younger self. I showed her so much love and understanding. I let her know the identity served its purpose and it was beyond beautiful. I let her know she was going to be more than ok.

I relaxed more as the process continued. I welcomed it all fully. I understood this was the last step even though I had thought before it had been all done.

The crying continued. It was the non stop kind. Memories flashed in my mind. Memories of my younger self. Memories with friends. Memories with my ex partner. At the beginning it hurt remembering how much I had punished myself for taking the leap of faith on my growth and path. Slowly, it went away with gratitude. Gratitude for him. Gratitude for me. Gratitude for the life I had had. Gratitude for such a beautiful identity. Gratitude. Beautiful, beyond beautiful gratitude.

I felt the identity being pulled out. I gasped. I was speechless. I was tired. I was scared in a way to continue doing what I was doing. I felt the back foot stepping through the threshold. I was fully diving within the portal I had opened the moment I had said,

“I choose me.”

It was felt deeply. So so deep.

I arrived to the DMV and had to rest for a bit before going in. I took a deep breath and said,

“Ok. Let’s finish what we started.”

Part of me was hoping to keep the last picture because I did not feel pretty at all. Ha ha. Oh ego... hello...

I approached the counter to check in for the appointment. The clerk asked,

“Do you have your marriage certificate?”

“Divorce. Yes.”

I waited for my turned as I filled out some paperwork and felt in a sense so lifeless. Part of me was dying. I knew it. Breathe deeply again. It’s ok.

My number was called and I approached the lady. I began to play with my fingers because I was nervous and the waiting was killing me. Of course not literally. She said I had to take a new picture. I asked,

“I can’t keep the old one?”

“No, because you are changing names. It requires a new one.”

“I guess I will remember this day for the rest of the new driver’s license huh?” I thought.

I went to the line to take a new picture. When my turn was up, one of the sweet ladies said to me that I had to go back to whoever had helped me because my name hadn’t been written fully how the judge had said. She read my full name. The other lady laughed. I did too. It’s quite common honestly.

“I hope it fits,” I said to her.

“Well, they gotta figure something out,” she replied.

The name was changed. The picture was taken. I left the space feeling a little out of it. It felt I had just experienced my own death and I had just came back from the funeral. So things were still processing and I let them. I let them and I drove off to the next adventure.

Breaking The Vegan Code

I sit on my desk that overlooks the beautiful garden we have still hesitating about writing this blog. However, the message has been quite clear for the past weeks. Plus, I sent a newsletter earlier in the week saying this blog will be posted tomorrow... I did that on purpose. Yup, I did it on purpose because I know myself fairly well and at times I can convince myself out of doing some things. Let me explain to you the reasoning behind my hesitation.

Veganism can be quite intense. I am referring to the ones labeling themselves as “vegan.” Before I continue, let me say something. Know this is my own experience. This is the way my system sees and feels things based on personal events. There is absolutely nothing wrong with calling oneself vegan. What people choose to eat, it is their right. This experience of life is the freedom to explore in different ways distinct things in order to expand your consciousness. I am not writing this blog for people to be upset at me or to call me names. If you choose to do so it is on you. I am sharing my experience because it is very important to expand the mind and see things from a diverse perspective. I respect every single human being, whether they are vegan, vegetarian, pescatarians, meat eaters, etc. I love everyone equally.

Ok, back to what I was elaborating on. Vegans are seen on tv protesting and being so strong in their own beliefs conveying that their way of life is better than the rest. Amor has a dear friend that used to do such things and his actions don’t make us love him any less. As a matter of fact, we respect what he is doing and what he has done in the past. He does it all from his heart space and he sees it as the right thing to do. It is all based on perception. So the reason why I was hesitant was because of my fear of being judged by people that have been close to me or are close to me at this moment in time. However, I understood that regardless of my beliefs, if someone wants to be in my close circle of friends, nothing will get in the way. And so I find myself writing this blog.

I used to consider myself as vegan. I labeled myself and I had no idea I had given birth to a code in my system. I saw it as “YES! I’m vegan! I’m healthy! I don’t harm any living creatures or organisms.” So, with the consciousness of that moment, I was doing the absolute right thing for my growth and for my system. Things changed this past July when a dear friend Serena went to Las Vegas to facilitate an innerdance (Kundalini energy activation) immersion. Amor and I were there as well visiting my family. Serena stayed with us at my parents’ house. It was completely awesome having her around. I resonate with her experiences so much and we both get our way of speaking in code. We were in the kitchen enjoying a small meal with my parents. They eat all kinds of things and deeply enjoy it. It is actually kinda nice watching them eat food that brings them joy. My mom had bought a pineapple upside down cake. My favorite growing up! Of course, non vegan. My dad asked me if I wanted some, I said “no.” He then asked Serena if she wanted a piece. First she said ‘no.” He made a comment and then she said “Alright. Alright. Just a small piece.” The small piece ended up being two pieces because one did not have some pineapple. This blew my mind.

I know how Serena eats. She mostly has raw food and juices. She doesn’t really eat gluten, nor eggs, or dairy. Pretty much a “raw vegan,” yet she doesn’t label herself as one. She enjoyed it. My dad’s face lit up. He was proud. After witnessing this, I began to observe the way I was with food. My mind would quickly go to “Is it vegan?.... oh no no no no then.” Pretty much considering one better than the other one. Soon I realized that I had boxed myself in the vegan code. I saw and felt how deeply that programming had been running in my system and I didn’t want it to be there any longer. If I choose to eat how a labeled vegan eats, it is one thing, but labeling myself and unconsciously building a code in my being ... no way. There is one thing I use all my practices for and that is to consciously break any codes and programmings in my organism. It is to be free from anything that society penetrated and placed a little seed which grew so strong. It is to enjoy my own existence in its own unique way, choosing what works best for it and what doesn’t. No labels. Being. Just being. So my quest to break the vegan code within myself commenced.

The way it works when something is too engraved in a system and wants to be free from it, is to be reminded of others that have broken the specific code that is being worked on. In my case, the reminder was Serena. I paid deep attention to my mind and my reactions. The reactions not only within me, but also the facial expressions, and the way I would move my physical body in order to communicate that something wasn’t agreeing with me. This non agreement wasn’t because I chose it, but it was due to the code. It was quite hard at the beginning. Almost like telling a lefty not to use the left hand from then on and only the right. The system has to re-wire itself and it is not something as easily done. Luckily, at the beginning I didn’t have many instances where I was put face to face with the code. Things changed during the very first night of an Ayahuasca retreat we were part of.

We were told to arrive at a specific time and dinner was going to be served. So this is when the code activated itself even more. I immediately assumed whatever was going to be served was going to be vegan... again... the labels. Well, let me tell you that it wasn’t. It was vegetarian. Ha ha ha. I received the bowl and saw this orange yellow thing in the soup. My mind freaked out.

“Is this an egg?”

Yup! It definitely was an egg.

“Fuck! It is all over this thing... I can’t... I can’t possibly...”

I caught myself. I took a deep breath and remembered Serena. No food is bad or good. It just is. Take a deep breath. Ok. Good. I saw myself staring at the bowl of food as I was calming my mind and trying to stop the “You can’t eat this” thoughts. They were SOO strong. I looked at Amor. I needed some validation that I could get through this. Yes! This is how strong the code was! He didn’t even look at me. He was completely enjoying the meal.

“Ok. Ok. Ok. You got this.”

I began to eat but I still felt my face morphing into the “ew” face.

“Calm yourself. It is just food.”

Slowly I continued to eat it. I forced myself to eat some of the egg but immediately my system went into shock because it was something you absolutely cannot do when you had labeled yourself as “vegan.”

I definitely didn’t finish it. I completely freaked out inside. I absolutely did not like the feeling. First, because the food was made with love. Second, I watched everyone around eating, they seemed to be enjoy it, and nothing in their faces showed a struggle. So I was the only one struggling to eat something just because it had some egg in it. Nope. I did not like it at all. I felt the code so deep. It was in control. It was in absolute control of my system and for me that is a big no no.

During one of the ceremonies in the retreat, the Mother addressed that:

“It is not what you eat that matters, but how it was cooked. Is it cooked with love? From which space is the idea of feeding someone coming from?”

This blew my mind. I began to think about our plant medicine family. In the little time I have been around them, I have noticed their deep love for existence. You truly get to know someone when you are going through a journey and someone else is taking care of not only you but everyone else that is a part of it. Their faces came to my mind and I felt their deep unconditional love. The love which drives what they do; their service to humanity.

“Ok. Ok.” I can understand that. In a sense I did understand. The fact that I was being like “Ewww! I CANNOT put this in my system!” Was separating the beautiful things the Creator had gifted us. It was a slap in the face saying to Him “this right here is poop!” And it’s not at all. Everything is equally beautiful.

Now, I will share something with you. Please keep your mind open. That is all I ask.

Amor and I have been doing this super powerful meditation for Global Sadhana. Pretty much since the very first day, I have gone under trances. Some of them are quite intense, some are beautiful, some are very gentle. A couple of days ago, I got a message about this code. It made sense, in a very funky way. Here it goes:

If animal farming and animal killing did not exist, would the vegan code even be here? Please just hear me out, because just like you might feel at this moment, I shared that feeling when I heard the message. The fact that the world reached a point where animals are just being farmed and killed to feed most humans in this planet in a sense gave birth to this code. In a sense, it helped people wake up. Why might you ask? First, for seeing how unfair it is for animals. Yes, it is unfair. I completely agree with it. Imagine a world with things reversed. A world where animals farmed humans to eat them, because... why not? They gotta eat, no? So at seeing this unfairness and even perhaps the look in their eyes as they are in a cage knowing, KNOWING they are about to be killed, shifted something within some people’s systems.

This is completely impactful especially when someone feels so much. Now, if the farming hadn’t existed, would the vegan code be so prominent? Perhaps, perhaps not. Perhaps it wouldn’t even exist. Perhaps it would be the norm and it is not even a label. It would just be the normality. So in a sense, without this massacre of animals, most people that labeled themselves as vegans wouldn’t have woken up to a potential within them. This doesn’t mean that eating the way they choose to eat is the only right way. Yes, it is in their system, not in everyone’s. This is very important to remember. Perhaps the path of the ones who farm animals is to do exactly what they are doing to bring forth this revolution and evolution within some. When we look at this from this perspective, in a way, they must be thanked.

I know it sounds so incredibly messed up, but would you stand up for that strong belief within yourself if it hadn’t existed? Would you protest against animal rights? Would you stand outside a butcher store and call the people working there names if such a thing hadn’t even existed? Now... that’s big.

For me for example, I feel deeply, more than you can imagine; more than I can imagine at times. I cannot even kill a fly or watch someone else kill an insect. As a matter of fact, they speak to me and ask for protection. When this happens, I take them outside and let them be in their natural environment. Even when I sweep and by accident I sweep an insect... you know how much that hurts me? I tune into their feelings and it is not fun at times. I even apologize. As silly as that might sound to you. Why? Because I know I am not separate from them. I know that even though I am having a human experience and them an insect experience, we all come from the same Source. That being said, I don’t call myself a vegan anymore.

I choose to eat according to what my system needs. No, this does not mean I eat meat. What I like eating the most is juice and raw veggies with hummus and guacamole. However, I no longer make a face when something is not vegan. I no longer see food as “This is horrible!” Or “This is the greatest thing ever!” I see food as how it is. I see my system as how it is. If it sees something and it wants to try it, ok try it. Why limit your own beautiful experience based on such a deep code that runs from beyond what we can understand?

No. I choose not to live based on coding. I choose to live in freedom experiencing life the way I want and choose to experience it, not the way the collective energy is telling me how to live it. I choose to be free from every single code in this system. I choose freedom from limited beliefs and programmings. I choose to be. I choose to be this organism in its most pure essence, existing in this own way and leading a revolution of consciousness.

I choose the following words:

I am what I am and that is that.

My Guardians

I sit on my desk as I listen to Simrit sing "Sat Narayan" and at the same time the melody of the rain. Life is truly beautiful when we surrender to its flow and to the messages that might seem hidden. Messages are always coming through in one way or another. The rain has its one language. She speaks. So does the Sun and the Moon. The way one person lays down says a lot about the mental state of that particular moment. The way the eyes shine or not. The way one walks. The way a doggie looks at you. I can go on and on and on about different kinds of languages and messages. There is one kind I would like to concentrate on today.

I sat at this specific chair that morning. I was journaling as I watched attentively our garden. Something caught my attention as I listen to the subtleties of the trees and the fruits. I had to move side to side to make sure I was actually seeing what I thought I was seeing. I saw giant white wings. They looked like the ginormous leaves of a banana tree. We have tons of those in the garden. The wings were near them. Hence the movement to make sure I wasn't making things up. As we know, the mind likes to play tricks. I thought that somehow the Sun was hitting the leaves stronger than ever and it was making them seem they were white. Yet these "leaves" did not move. Neither were they leaning like the rest; they were pointing straight up.

I put my pen down on my journal and paid more attention to what my eyes were seeing and what my heart was feeling. Something within said,

"Go outside."

I did.

The moment I reached the porch that overlooks to the garden, something grabbed my hand and took me down towards a spot that Amor and I go quite frequently to watch the sunset and talk. It didn't scared me at all. The energy felt very similar. Perhaps if it had been the first time that something beyond my eyes could see held me, I might've freaked out a bit. However, this has happened multiple times before.

When we reached the spot, we sat down. I was sitting to the left of my Guardian Angel. I knew his presence. The first time he appeared to me, I was laying down on the couch breathing while a friend watched TV in my house in Las Vegas. He placed my hands on my heart and introduced himself. He didn't need much introduction after that. I know his energy. I say him because the name he introduced himself with, is considered a masculine name.

He began to talk to me about my path and how great I am doing staying on top of things. Although most things he said are very personal, there is one thing I do want to share about the conversation.

"Thanks for investigating and coming out of the house. I knew you would."

"Part of me thought it was a banana leave shinning super bright, but I knew better. Something within said to come out and I did."

"I am very glad."

"However, I am wondering why at this moment I am not seeing your wings and I'm just feeling your presence."

"You would freak out if you saw my eyes. You are not ready yet."

"Try me." What a human thing to say.

"You will soon. We are very proud of you. You've come a long way."

"Thank you. I know. It's been beyond intense."

"We know. Keep it up."

"Of course."

"You are meant to do great things and you will. You already are."

"Thank you. I know. I feel it. It humbles me. It transforms my heart into a heart that is beyond human. I have a hard time communicating at times. I feel I speak in code."

"Ha ha ha. Yes, indeed you do. The right ones will understand it."

A day or two later, Amor and I were listening an interview of Joe Dispenza about Light Beings helping him in his courses. This topic completely fascinates me as I have had the experience of these Light Beings helping me through my process. What truly caught my attention was his description of them:

Very tall white beings with a very strong presence.

Tall white beings... I have seen them before...

He said they can't lower their vibrations to meet the "normal" human vibrations because that would mean to lose themselves. Therefore, they ask humans to meet them in the middle. If they were to lower their vibrations to a human level, they might lose themselves, as in stop existing. This is something they don't do as they love themselves so much.

Tall white beings...

A few years ago in 2013, I was suicidal. I was at home, went to the kitchen, grabbed a knife, and went to the room. Apparently I wasn't sneaky enough because my roommate told my husband at the time and he rushed home from work. Yes, the intentions of grabbing the knife was to end this precious life of mine. The knives we had, were not just regular knives, but chef knives. Very very very sharp.

To be completely honest, till this day I am not quite sure what happened. It is all blurry but one part. The door opened, three ginormous white beings entered. I didn't like their presence. They were on a mission and it scared me. They walked like the owned the room. They walked so fiercely and so sure of themselves. They did not even say a word as they moved towards the bed were I was laying freaking out with Matt. One immediately went to my legs and held my ankles down. The other one went to my head and held it down. Matt pushed down on my shoulders. I screamed as the other one was coming towards my face. I tried to move around and throw a fit for them to let me go. I couldn't. I couldn't move. Their strength was beyond human and what in the world was Matt doing?!?! He should be helping me.

The one holding my head down opened up my mouth and there was absolutely nothing I could do to either stop it or close my mouth. I saw the other one approaching me with a syringe. I freaked out even more. I was so scared. I was so scared.

"Who are these people?! What are they doing to me?!"

I was injected in my palate with something. Whatever it was made me pass out. When I woke up, I was in Matt's arms. The door was open. I looked around confused.

"Did anybody come to the room?"

"No," he replied.

However, they had. I knew they had because the suicidal tendencies were no longer there. Rather than feeling hopeless and lifeless, I felt full of unconditional love. Matt saw it too. He saw my eyes and could tell something in me had shifted.

As Joe Dispenza kept talking about it, that memory came up. I understood why my Guardian Angel had said I'd freak out if I saw his eyes. I was gonna recognize him and it was gonna take me back to that experience. The next morning I talked to him.

"We had done the math and we had a specific amount of time in which we needed to do what was necessary to help you. We knew you were gonna kill yourself. It wasn't your time yet. You were making it so difficult."

"I was scared. I didn't know what was going on."

"Yes. We know."

"Joe Dispenza said..."

"Yes. We got back right on time. It was a chance we were willing to take for you. We are your Guardians."

I was speechless. An overwhelming feeling of gratitude came through. They... they... put their own existence in the line to help me... they almost lost themselves. All of this was done by the unconditional love to me... to ME. And to think that at those moments, I felt so lonely and that noone ever cared for me. Yet, they were there watching over me, guiding me even though I couldn't see them or feel them. My Guardians not only were there at every step of the way, but they sacrificed their own existence for ME.

To help ME.

To save ME.

Gratitude doesn't even cut it.

So I sit here sharing this experience with an immense heart. A heart that once thought it was just a human heart and now knows it goes beyond it. A heart that if it wasn't for them, I wouldn't be here writing these words. A heart that is never alone. A heart that when looking at things from the bigger perspective of life, is not even mine or theirs.

It's OURS.