The power we have within and what we are able to do with it, blows my mind quite often.
I will share something so personal with you, but the message is the same I constantly share with you all and that's about how powerful we all are.
It was perhaps the second or third day I had implemented Japji and Aquarian Sadhana as part of my morning practice. The chants always hit home and this time it hit quite deep. Most of you that know me personally, know that leaving Vegas was the hardest decision and the hardest actions I had to take in order to continue growing. I didn't just choose to do such thing for the heck of it. There was A LOT underneath the surface. Leaving Vegas meant I had to divorce one of the most wonderful men I have ever met in my entire existence. My Angel. My best friend. A man that had been there for me always and had rooted for me even when I couldn't. A man I actually owe my life to. Literally. He didn't just save my life once, but a couple of times; without him, I wouldn't be writing these words to you.
The release of self judgment was intense, in the deepest way one can imagine and beyond. I worked on it even before leaving Vegas and I worked on it every day after. Every single day, because I knew it was a programming that was running deep within my being. He didn't hate me. He didn't resent me. He loved me unconditionally and still does, as I to him.
I knew something big was about to come out when I felt the pain in my heart as I chanted. It wasn't a normal pain. It was the freedom kind of pain and it was waiting for the right mantra to be release to. I sat there chanting in front of the altar and Matt's essence came and talked to me.
This is something we all can do. This is something that happens to me daily and not once does my jaw stay in place. He began to share with me his unconditional love for me and understanding. At the same time how proud he is of me for going for my dreams and amazed by my strength. He knew it wasn't easy. He knew it wasn't going to be easy. He was seeing me die once again and he wasn't going to allow it. That's why he said to me,
"Do what you need to do in order to be happy."
What a beautiful expression of unconditional love.
We went over memories together. Blissful memories. Our growth together and separate. Our laughter. Our silliness. Our strength. Our compassion for each other. Our understanding. I began to cry. First it was the painful kind of cry. Then he said,
"I don't blame you for anything. As I matter of fact, I thank you. You set us both free."
"Let us enjoy the freedom."
As we continued to go over our memories and share our thoughts about them, my painful cry morphed into the laughing kind of cry.
It was so beautiful. SOO beautiful and my entire being felt it. There was no more self judgment or self punishment, but an immense sense of freedom. So much gratitude for everything that we shared and for everything we still share. We said to each other,
"We will always have each other's back."
And I know. I so know that's true. There are a few people I would do anything for, and he is one of them.
When calmness hit my being, one of my crystals spoke to me. I had bought her in the Himalayas from a healer. I shared a bit of my story with him and he recommended to get her. He said to me,
"The Universe is within this crystal. Speak it to it and it will speak to you. Ask it any question and it will answer."
I took her with me to all places and even at times, put her in my water... until she was taken away from me in the Mexico City airport. Even though part of me wanted to be mad, I really couldn't. I knew I had never owned her and she had just chosen to be with me for the time being.
She said to me,
"You didn't need me anymore. You were already free. You are free. I was with you because at that time you needed me and the guidance that comes through me, but you don't anymore. You're free."
And to think that I still was feeling shitty about myself when she was "taken" from me. How many games does the mind play with us? It had been more than a month and that just came to my awareness. Then it hit me... I'm free... holy shit... I'm free...
I
AM
FREE.
No, you don't understand. You don't understand what this means. This is the biggest gift I have ever received besides my life. Freedom. Oh Lord.... I hurt so much. It had sucked big time. I had cried so much. I had woken up in the middle of the night hyperventilating. I had cried until passing out. I had told myself so many silly things. I had and I had and I had. And to be here, now, without any suffering. At peace with what happened and what is. To be at ease with everything knowing he also is.
Wow.
WOW!
What a gift... WHAT A GIFT.
I can't say I'm grateful because that word doesn't mean anything with what I feel.
Honestly.
Honestly.
The point of all this sharing is to bring into your awareness that miracles happen all the time around you and within you. We all have the capability of connecting with one another and help each other heal deep traumas. It doesn't matter that I am in a completely different country than my best friend, the unconditional love we both share is beyond anything. It can move the deepest hurts within us and comfort them, letting the being know, it's ok. And that my friends... THAT... wow!
What a blessing to have such a deep connection and share a love beyond anything. A love that can slap you out of self judgmental stages with such a Divine grace and care while at the same time, setting you free.
Freedom. That's what love is. Freedom.
My Bestfriend - The Angel Who Helped Me Release Deep Traumas