Qosqo, Perú
Tuesday, June 4 2019
Today I started my 10 day water fasting. Before I begin on how I am feeling at the moment, allow me to give you some background.
I'm pretty sure fasting scared the living shit out of me before, not only because it seems nuts for my family and I grew up with the "You must eat to survive" thing, but also because for so many years I had been anorexic and bulimic. So ya, that's the true.
When I was anorexic, I wouldn't eat... ok maybe a cracker, as in a single cracker and then I would go to the bathroom and make myself throw up that one cracker... I know ... plus taking laxatives ... it wasn't fun at all. It's been years since that ended, but my self esteem still was not fully accepting how I was until last Thursday, May 30th when me and Amor went to the Sacred Valley to have a ceremony with Mami Aya.
I am going to be completely honest; everything I had prayed for to her and other light beings, I received and one of them was to fully forgive myself for all the damage I had caused to my being and to accept who I am.
Yes.
It was hella painful.
HELLA
My organs on the right side of my body had been compressed for, as far as I know, ALL my life. During the ceremony, Mama Aya guided them back to their actual spot.
HELL
IT WAS HELL
I have never, EVER, cried in that way in my life. I would try to move to make the process easier for my body...
NOPE
NOPE
It wasn't supposed to be easy.
I mean, if we really think about it, twenty years or more of self abuse, won't feel good coming out. Lol
NOPE
IT WON'T
Anyways, after it finished it was lovely. I knew what was happening, as she was talking to me about it. So I found more compassion for myself and kept going. The thing is that after a ceremony, you are still processing for days and truly, I wasn't careful with what I was eating. I had some gluten and French fries.
They sound so innocent, but I have known for a bit meow, that my body does not enjoy those kinds of foods. Yet, I had them anyway. So felt shitty the day after. I felt my insides so blowed. It was horrible.
Amor did some energy work on me and during such, I received the message:
"Start a water fasting tomorrow. Your body is still processing and integrating the ceremony. You will feel much better."
So I did.
It's 1pm here in Cusco. I have already done my Meditation practices, journaled, I worked out, Amor and I practiced Yoga and...
I FEEL GREAT!
I do have to admit that at one moment I looked at the kitchen clock and freaked out a little, because I was done with all my work and I had no idea what else to do. I wanted to be in the kitchen occupied, and realized how many hours a day I spend in the kitchen! Don't get me wrong, I LOVE cooking. When you love something you dont really think how much time you are putting into that. So then, to calm my mind, I took a shower.
WOW
I hadn't noticed before that I normally rush my showers. This time, I knew I had pretty much all the time in the world. Time felt so slow. I had the curiosity of a child as I soaped my body, as the water hit and traveled through my body and I was completely amazed of my body itself. I felt so deeply grateful for it and for the state I was in while doing such a simple task we all do.
I had so much inner peace and all I wanted to do was sit in stillness and meditate. I used the bathing time as meditation and it elevated my mood. I was no longer thinking ...
"Shit, what now?"
... but I was back in the present moment enjoying life. I sat in front of Amor while he was having lunch and it seemed as it was one of the very first times I actually had seen him: his beautiful eyes, his presence, the intensity of his look, his hair, his physicality, his energy field; the totality of his being. So much gratitude for him, for myself and our relationship began to circulate through my veins.
So now I find myself in this gratitude highness state that is quite nice, considering how shitty I was feeling last night!
It's 8pm and I'm pooped out! 😂😂 but this is the normal time my being says "Ok rest time" since we wake up quite early.
I have to admit that only right meow I feel this way, throughout the day I was completely fine. Although I did have the feeling that I just wanted to sit down and meditate for hours. I even made cheesecake and didn't have the thought that I wanted to try it. On the way back from the Healing House, that's when I felt a bit hungry.
So after we were done facilitating innerdance, we went to Orion to get more herbal tea and I made us some to chill before passing out. Which I'm pretty sure for me it's about to happen...
MEOW
So, this is not for day one! I'm excited for tomorrow as well! Plus, we since we launched our Avigna Live Classes yesterday, I get to channel a meditation! Which I absolutely LOOOVE.
Okis! Nighty! 💗💗💖💖🙏🦄🔮
Wednesday, June 5th 2019
Today was a bit more difficult and not for the fact that I was hungry, but out of boredom. I found myself doing a bunch of things and when looking at the clock... it was still early.
I did get the best night of sleep last night. It was great! So great. I couldn't get up at 5, which is the time I strive to wake up. When I did, I meditated and I noticed my mind was so sharp. It was easier to concentrate back on my breath if my mind wondered around. I still worked out, I still practiced gentle yoga, I still channeled.
I even made Sunflower Seed spread and a Shake for Amor and the only thing that "sucked" was that I couldn't taste them before giving them to him. I miss cooking. I really do and it might be due to the fact that I normally spend SOOO much time in the kitchen. But truly, I love cooking and tasting things and normally by the time I serve food, I am no longer hungry lol.
One thing that was different today than yesterday was that around 3.30pm I got super emotional and began to cry without even knowing why.
I laid down with my kitty unicorn, my purple rose and my blankie on. I began to cry apologizing to my body for harming her so much and constantly for so many years. Then magic happened. She began to speak to me, not like she had had before. It was super clear, as any conversation I have had with a human or other beings. She said to me
" We were both in pain and there was no way to communicate "
She continue saying that she is healing herself and there is no so much energy being concentrating in digesting food, but on healing work. She said that at this moment, my 3rd eye is fully opening up and I'm gaining control of my mind, rather than my mind controlling me. My body also mentioned that there is a reason why it hasn't been a struggle, because I know it was needed for the massive healing that is happening within me.
I taught yin and it was actually really nice. I didn't chant in the Light Language like I used to... my guides said it would be too much. However, it was a bit hard to relax during Savasana. I did walk home, but slow. I had energy but my body didn't want to speed walk but to enjoy the walk.
Walking up the hill that leads to the area of town we leave in, was a bit of a struggle and I was cold, more than normally at night.
Thursday, June 6th, 2019
I didn't sleep as well as the previous night. I kept waking up super thirsty with an intense dry mouth, as in I had taken the biggest hit and had no water whatsoever. I am super sure my body is reentering ketosis. This is how it feels like. I also had dreams with food hahaha I was with Matt having dinner and I asked him if we could smoke 😂😂
When I woke up, my body didn't want to get out of bed; so I stayed there just breathing and looking around the room. I felt my breath a bit shallow and my heart started to beat faster than normal. Other than that I felt fine. Part of me freaked out thinking "Chirimoya! (This is what we say instead of "Jesus") I'm only on the 3rd day." I totally believe was my mind because I truly have been fine.
Amor did some energetic work on me as well as my guides and I got out of bed. My lovely guides had told me to have a tablespoon of Apple Cider Vinegar and make some tea before Sadhana. I havent taken any of the vinegar yet so I did... of course I listened!
I was quite nice to have something different besides tea and water, but it did make me a bit nauseous so I had to lay down before my Meditation practice. I had to cut it short to be honest... I can't explain why. It was like my body was exhausted but I had felt physical exhaustion before and it was nothing like it. Perhaps weak? Perhaps detoxing? Maybe both? Or it could be that it's my mind and not my body.
I am extremely cold though and I'm covered with a blankie lol
So let's see how the day continues. I've heard that the first 3 days are the hardest, which they totally havent been; perhaps because I eat really clean. That being said though, I am definitely feeling different and it was a bit of a struggle to move around, to make some tea and to continue to move around the house. I guess in that sense it has been a bit "hard." We'll see how the day proceeds!
Amor and I run some errands and I walked quite a lot. The walking up the stairs in Cusco can be intense so I truly slowed down. I met up with my very good friend Marion for "lunch" 😂😂 which of course she ate and I had some tea, well we both did. I do have to admit that besides cooking, I miss the smell of food! Hahaha I asked Marion if I could smell her crêpe !😂😂 and I do the same thing when Amor eats.
The rest of the night I just chill and it was nice!
Friday June 7, 2019
Ok friends!!! Water fasting day 4!!! 🎊🎉🥳💗 AND
I'M STILL HERE!!! Haha
I've feeling feeling A LOT of energy shifting in my lower back and mid back to upper back on my left side. Which is pretty fucking cool.
I'm also liking being the observer specially of my mind, but at the same time tuning in to my physical body in a deeper way. 😊🙏💗🥰
Last night, I slept SOOO good! It's been difficult the wake up as early as I do. Even if my eyes are open, my body still wants to lay down. I guess it needs to since there is A LOT of things changing within me.
The one thing that is kinda yucky... I read that the body can release through odors... well mine is releasing them through the mouth and it's not that fun! 😂😂😂 I asked D this morning "What do I doo?!" Hahahaha
And well specially in the mornings my body ... I'm assuming is still processing things so I find myself out of breath a bit, but then it goes away.
Supposedly from this day on, things get magical.
I had this thought: 👇
Wow you guys! WOW!! TOMORROW IS DAY 5!!!! HAHAHAHAHA
To be completely honest, I thought I wasn't gonna make it 😂 part of me thought it was gonna a be SUPER difficult, but my Guides said it wasn't going to so of course I trust them!
It's been such a beautiful journey to be the observer, to watch my mind and connect more with all my bodies.
I noticed today that my senses have sharpened. My hearing is more sensitive, my sense of smell, my vision and as well feeling the vibrations of the tires on the street. The hearing thing can be overwhelming at times, and I might have to retrieve and listen to relaxing music, otherwise it's too much. I guess that's the beginning and just need to learn how to control it?
I've also noticed that I look at things with more curiosity. I honestly feel like a child seeting things like "WOOOWWW" and I am way calmer than normal 😂😂 which I thought it was gonna be the other way around hahaha
Of course it's not easy all the time. It's been harder getting up earlier and today while I was trying to keep my arms up during Sat Kriya, they didn't really want to.
So far, I am completely impressed and excited for what the next days will bring!
Saturday, June 8th 2019
Water fasting day 5!!!!! 🥳🎉🎊💖🙌😱🥰💖🦄
Wow!!!!! I am half way there!!!! Half way there!!!!!
And honestly... it hasn't been bad AT ALL!! 😱! And this morning I woke up with so much energy in comparison to the past days!!! So I have tons of energy!! And I even woke up at 2 am and couldn't go back to bed till before 6 because I was having massive downloads!🥰💖💗
And I feel GREAT!!
Plus after the middle day everything becomes way easier and faster!
I did have SOOO much energy running through my back that I had to lay down while my guides channeled some energy to me. Which is super nice and I am beyond grateful!
Amor and I decided to go out and get him some food. So we went to La BoM, an AWESOME crêperie in the San Blas neighborhood and yes we walked there. And yes it was exhausting! Lol I had to stop at time because all these stairs that are EVERYWHERE in Cusco! Thank you Incas! 😂😂
And as I said last time, I do miss the smell of food so I did smell Amor's crêpe! Haha he is so used to my "crazy" things!
I decided to pamper myself for... for making it to day 5! Hahaha so I got a deep tissue massage, a manicure and pedicure!!! AHHH! SOOO LOVELY!! 🥰
After that I had SOOO much energy!! I walked back home like no big deal and I even felt like I had had food! Super interesting!!
So that's it for day 5 my friends! I'll keep you posted for the next 5 days!
Ps: Ah! Before I forget. My body was all puffy and the puffyness went away!!! I looked at myself in the mirror after showering and I said:
"We look SOOO good!!"
Thumbs up for water fasting honestly!
THUMBS UP!!!