Inside Out is Real

Do you remember the Pixar Movie "Inside Out"? I remember watching the it and thinking something about it must be real. I do that with pretty much all things. My system goes into assessing mode and takes little bits and pieces of information to explore them. However, even though when I first watched it I felt something about it was real, I let it be. I let it be until a few weeks ago when that movie became real in me.

I know at times things feel so out there. But are they really out there? Or are we the ones boxed in?

A couple weeks ago, during the Full Moon, funny enough, something deep was moving through me. Something very very deep. I was trying to give it space to truly understand what was going on, but at the beginning it seemed blocked by my own ego and the fact that it wanted to blame everything on my partner. Intense, so intense. I am quite certain you can relate. Sometimes the ego can be so strong!

I excused myself after being done with lunch and I went to the room. I sat on the bed hugging Star Seed, my unicorn companion, and began to pay attention. I trusted my intuition and I went away from who I am. I started to hear a different voice. It definitely did not sound like me. She complained and complained and complained about my partner like no other and trust me he is beyond awesome! She began to express herself as being deeply hurt and cried so much. I was doing such a great job keeping myself detached from the way she was talking until she began to cry. I hurt deeply. I felt her hurt as mine, as the little child that wanted to be seen and feel important. A little child that wanted to feel special and be pampered. Then, another voice popped in.

A different voice altogether defending my partner. I began to think,

"Holy shit! Inside out is real!"

Different voice, different personality, different way of speaking. Then another one spoke. Again! Completely different! This one had a big attitude. Once in a while they'd ask for my opinion on the matter. It honestly was like having a conversation with friends... friends that live within me.

It completely amazed me.

Meow... the coolest thing that happened was that through a conversation with them, I let go of a massive block that was holding me back from showing my partner my totality. How cool is that? Can you imagine that? Being able to tune inwards, in a sense detach from your different personalities or egos, if you want to call them that, in order to understand deeper your own organism and let go of anything that had been obstructing you?

I truly didn't know this was possible until it happened. This is exactly the reason why I am sharing this with you. Perhaps you can take this and apply it to your own life to free yourself and truly be.

Just be.

I was feeling such a deep sadness. I knew something big was moving through me. I just couldn't pinpoint it, so I just let it be. I began to remember my life with my ex husband, and how wonderful it truly was. We did have a blast and grew so much together. I thought the sadness was coming because of that. I had to go through an intense process for almost two years, maybe even more, to fully forgive myself for what I thought I did wrong.

My chest ached so much and I began to cry uncontrollably...

"Yup... it must be related to that," I thought.

Amor came to the room and held space for me. When I was able to calm down, I shared with him my process. The truth came out. I hadn't been sad because of my past, I was sad because I was scared. I had been scared of truly allowing Amor to see me, to see me in my totality. I told him,

"The only person that has even seen me, that I allowed myself to fully be with was Matt. Nobody else. Everybody else made fun of me. Everybody else put me down. So I am scared of letting you see me because I am scared you won't like me and leave me."

He continue to hold space for me. My mind knew that in a way it made no sense whatsoever. I know how much he loves me. I know how much he cares for me and enjoys my company. There had been this one little thing holding me back. I have known it. Many times I had said to him that I wasn't sure why my silly side was not coming out, which is a BIG part of me.

When he left the room, I sat up. I was still somewhat in awe for my response and for the truth. I began to talk to my little friends again:

"I want to ask you all something. Why are you scared of showing yourselves to him? It is completely obvious how much he loves us," I said.

There is one who always leads the show. I am saying this in the most loving way possible as she is part of me. Cindy, the child that wants to be seen. The child that wants to feel loved and important.

"I am scared he is going to judge us. I am scared he will say all these things and at the end see how we operate and take off. Opening up our heart and have it break it. I can't take it. I won't take it," she said.

"He has never judged us," I replied. "As a matter of fact, he is always there when we need him. He's next to us when we go through trances, when we release. He listens without judgement. He shows us so much love and compassion. I feel that if she didn't love us, he would've taken off a long time ago. It takes so much unconditional love to hold space for someone when they are going through such a massive awakening," I said.

"Ya..." Cindy replied.

"Do you want him to see us," I asked her. "To fully see us?"

"Yes," she replied.

"Can we let him see us? Our totality. Being silly with him. Experiencing life together fully," I asked her.

"Yes," she said.

"And you guys? Can we let him see us?" I asked the rest.

Everyone else replied the same.

I felt a huge wave of relief.

"Yes it is then," I said.

They all shared with me how much they love him. It was just a massive fear that had been blocking us from allowing our totality to come out and be free from the rest. I shared this with Amor and he was very happy and pleased. I truly enjoy the fact that he doesn't look at me like I have lost my mind. 😂😂 Our lives are quite magical if I may say!

I kid you not, after that conversation a massive shift occurred. The next morning I felt lighter and I began to be me. I began to have fun and be silly. I no longer had that fear of "what is he gonna think?" As a matter of fact, I WAS having fun and he was enjoying seeing me. I saw the look in his eyes, almost as if seeing me like that made him love me more. Perhaps he was relieved since finally his partner was fully being herself without fearing anything.

Ever since then, when I feel something creeping up, it is way easier to listen to it without attaching any meaning to what it is, and without suffering. I can hear them, feel them and somehow it helps me to go beyond who I think I am to see things from a different perspective; from bird's eye view. It is such a cool trick which allows me to examine and let things move through me without going into a dark hole. Perhaps this is something we have always been able to do. Perhaps it had been hidden from us. Can you imagine if we all did something similar to it, if not the same, and free ourselves from our own suffering? The world wouldn't need the pharmaceutical industry. The power would be returned to each of us.

Wow.

What a world that would be.

I invite you sister, I invite you brother, to tune in to those deep hurts and allow them to speak to you. Perhaps even letting your personalities talk to you. It might sound crazy, but what if that little trick frees you from something you had been suffering? What if that was the little tool that will guide you deeper towards your truth?
Would you take that chance?

I did and it freed me.