Divine Channel

At times I am not sure how to communicate what happens in my life, in my world, as it's something beyond what the human mind can fathom. Yet, it is extremely important to share as I know and feel I am not the only one experiencing all these things. The reason why I write and share is because I want you to know that you are not alone and if you have some gifts that are seen so "out there," to embrace them. The reason why you have such gifts is because for many many lifetimes you have been doing this work; the work of the Heart. You have been leading people to freedom. You have been the example for many and many look up to you because of that. It is because of your pure heart that such deep gifts get activated and Divinity can do its work through you. Now, what a blessing that is!

For many many years, perhaps even all my life, I searched for something. I knew I was different somehow. I knew there was something so important I had come here to fulfill. The thing is that I kept searching not knowing at the beginning that when you search, in a sense you slam the door of the one thing that sets you apart from everyone else. I suffered so much trying to find it, not realizing that I had it all along. I didn't realize that what I had been searching for was calling me as well, not from the outside but from within.

It is scary to answer that call. Especially when you have already created a life. It is scary when your life goes upside down. The thing here is that even though it feels is going upside down, it is actually heading straight up. When we stop trying to control, when we stop fighting against the change, the channels clear up and they show us the way. This is what happened to me.

On 2018 I left a place I had called home for more than half of my life. I left the community, my family, my besties, my puppies and my partner. I didn't know what was ahead of me, I just knew I had to trust. The road was foggy and I couldn't even see one feet in front of me, yet there was a bigger guidance from the depth of my being that was showing me the way. I tried to seem kind of confident about it, but let me tell you one thing... I wasn't at all. I was freaking the fuck out inside. I was dying and in a sense rebirthing from within. Everything in me wanted to lose it, but the fire from inside kept me alive; kept me going.

Truly, I didn't have any other choice which I am grateful for. It was either "You follow that calling or you die." It sounds harsh, but it is the truth. I am not talking about physically, but spirituality. If I hadn't followed that guidance the spark of light within me would have extinguished itself and the one laying on the hammock, listening to the melody of the waterfall as she's writing these words, wouldn't be here.

There comes a point in life where you have seen so many things you had dreamed of seeing. When you do, there is no going back. It is similar to The Matrix. You truly cannot go back and live that one "normal" life you had had, because you are completely different.

COMPLETELY.

I had known for years that I was doing something more than energy work, something more than Reiki. In 2016 I had the first experience of being a Medium. It absolutely made my jaw dropped. I was at my dear friend Emily's apartment. She was asking me how to hold a ceremony for one of her students. Her boyfriend had just passed. I began to explain to her what to do and then... something changed. I felt a different energy coming through and HE began to speak through me. When Emily noticed this, she grabbed a piece of paper to take notes. The spirit delivered his message and when it was done we both looked at each other with the "Holy Shit" look.

How can you possibly go back to that one "normal" life? Especially when the message was delivered to her student and she cried because that was exactly how her boyfriend spoke.

How can you possibly go back to that one "normal" life?

I reached a point where I knew I had outgrown the city. The guidance I needed was no longer there and the energy in Asia began to call me. So I packed my bags and took off. That was the hardest thing I have done for far.

THE HARDEST.

I was walking without seeing. Something bigger was moving me. At times I felt I didn’t have the energy to keep going, yet I kept being moved and I am beyond grateful for that push.

In Thailand I released so much and I let go fully of who I wanted to be. I began to just be. I concentrated on myself and my journey and let go of any kind of expectation I had. I allowed life to show me the way. Even if at times it felt completely nuts, I let it be and trusted because truly, I had no other choice. I had to trust.

I had to trust I had made the right decision on moving across the world. I had to trust that whatever my parents had told me was not true. I had to trust that whatever feeling which made me take the leap of faith had been the right one to follow. And it had. It absolutely had.

At the end of June of 2018, I found myself surrounded by the most loving Soul Family. The had seen me and they had accepted me from the very first moment. They had never judged me. The had seen me as the Goddess I embody. Through the space of acceptance and unconditional love, the portal towards my truth opened up and I stepped right through it. This is when the channeling became so pure and so strong that it activated the remembrance of the Light Language that comes through me.

At the beginning I had no idea what I was supposed to do with it. However, I knew it. I felt deeply within my own organism that it wasn't the first time I had spoken that language. It hadn't been separate from me, it had been me all along and I had rediscovered it. The more I continued to hold space for others, the more it activated itself until it became normality. I no longer just had "Normal" Reiki Sessions, but I started to speak, chant and sing in that Language. Nature understood it. It became the way I spoke to her and animals as well. It became my mother tongue. Something that allows me to access Higher Realms of Consciousness and opens up a bigger space for you to do your own healing in my presence.

The more I worked with others, the more it humbled me and still does. Why? Because truly, I am not doing the work. This consciousness, the one who's typing goes away, as it were non-existent and something Greater moves through this organism. Even though I remember absolutely everything of a session, the energy that comes through, the things that are said, is not me but the Highest Version of you that comes through me to facilitated your own healing in the form of God.

I know this word can trigger many things for some. I am not referring to the Catholic or Christian God. When I say that word I meant the One thing that moves it all. The One thing that makes us experience this reality. The One thing that moves the leaves and branches of a tree. The One thing that allows the water to flow. The One thing that makes your organism function without you even doing anything at all. The One thing that creates life. That's what I mean when I say God. And within that space there's you as you aren't separate from IT, from me, nor from existence. As you are the One thing that moves it all: God

Self-Sabotage

As I continue to grow, more awareness hits me. Some are very lovely, some not so much. However, I welcome it all with open arms and with so much gratitude because it is such a big confirmation of my growth and let’s be honest, who doesn’t like that? I have gotten used to being uncomfortable. Of course at times is not easy at all. At times the ego wants to come out and run the show. At times it is difficult not to let it out especially when something has hit a deep emotional wound. When this happens, I used to shut down, go to the room and be by myself. I find myself still doing that, not as much, but now I give a bit of a clue to my partner that something is passing through me. Even though I am still perfecting this aspect of my life, I am extremely proud of the progress I have been doing. I used to be a volcano and in my eyes I was always right even if clear evidence and facts showed the contrary. Ha ha ha what a game we are playing! It is quite exciting when we remember not to take things personally and of course it can absolutely work the opposite way.

I have been in this conscious path for nearly ten years. I say conscious because I truly believe we have been in it since birth and beyond whether we knew it or not. I have learned to listen when things pop up, to take care of myself, to put myself first and also to apologize when it is needed. The later one was the hardest lol as my system had this code working full force. It truly amazes me the amount of codes and limited beliefs I have been breaking during the past years. Sometimes these come up and we don’t realized they broke until the full awareness comes through. I had a huge one that came to me recently: Self-Sabotage. Allow me to share this part of myself with you. Who knows? Perhaps some things will resonate with you as well.

A few days ago, Amor and I went through a journey. Such journey allowed me to see things more clearly and in a sense see the full puzzle and how each piece comes together. Cool right? Yes, indeed. Even though it was like being around unicorns and butterflies, I truly wasn’t aware of what I had gone through or done to myself in order to be where I am. A couple days later, this awareness came. Somehow Amor kept thinking throughout the day that I was in funky mood, but truly I wasn’t. I was observing and seeing his bodies as he was going though somewhat of a stressful time. I grabbed a book, “The Mastery Of Love,” (super great book by the way!) and went to the balcony to read it. This book has been hitting home since I opened it. I laid on the hammock and something told me to put the book down. As I explained above, I have gotten pretty good at listening to messages, so I obeyed. I put the book down and heard with my heart what was coming through.

I began to see my life as a movie playing through my third eye without any judgements whatsoever. I paid attention. Something big was coming through. I felt it deeply. It was like a Plant Medicine Journey, when Mami Aya shows you your life and what you have been doing with it. I saw the very first experiences where I had felt so lost, so alone. They kept repeating throughout the years. Little by little things kept unfolding and then ... it hit hard ... how unhappy I had been throughout my life, how much disgust for myself I had had and how destructive I had also been. Of course I had known this and this was something that hurt deeply coming out. It wasn’t like it had come out from one day to the other but for years! Years upon years upon years of self-hate, self-loathing, self-destruction. Painful for sure. When I think about how many years I had spent in that kind of mind set, it makes absolute sense the intensity of my awakening, trances and releases. However, the one thing I hadn’t realized until I was in the hammock was how much I had sabotage my own happiness and life throughout my years. This is what blew my mind.

I am just going to call it the plant. Somehow it feels best calling it that way. The plant began to show me, how I had kept destroying my outside world over and over and over again because what I felt within: self-hate. I didn’t think I was worthy of love, nor happiness. I found every single little excuse to sabotage it. When I felt happy, I thought that wasn’t the right mind set or feeling, so I would do something to stop it and go back into the fear or unhappiness mode. My jaw dropped. It hadn’t just been once, but multiple times. Countless times! I could not see how beautiful I have always been, therefore my outside reality couldn’t be blissful. Even though life kept showing me my truth, I kept trying to destroy it. Why? Because in my eyes I was hideous. I was the worst person and I did not deserve to be happy or to have such a peaceful life.

It was so obvious that we indeed manifest what we feel we are worthy of and how much life mirrors what is within in the outside world.

One of the most beautiful things I have created in my life, is the relationship with my ex. This is when my jaw dropped further. He is the greatest man. Truly. Hands down. I can tell you that he is the reincarnation of an angel. He is an earthly angel and one of the greatest beings that has ever existed. Period. I have always known it, but at times I forgot. Of course. Sometimes we go so inwards and forget what is around us or forget to actually see. Well, as I previously said, I had a pretty low self-esteem and at those moments I thought I wasn’t worthy of anything. So, I did things for him to hate me. I hurt myself many times. I tried to end my life. I tried to end the relationship many times prior to the separation, but it wasn’t because of lack of love, but because in my eyes, he was WAY too good for me and he deserved more. However, I didn’t know what I was doing. I can clearly remember those moments and I truly just thought I was bipolar. I wasn’t aware of the sabotage I was doing to myself until I laid on the hammock.

It made me think how many of us do this so often and don’t even realize it. Do you do it? Do you do it as much as I used to? Wow! This is big you guys! So big! Why do we not even think that we are worthy of all the magical things in this plane of existence? Blows my mind. Completely blows my mind. I know there is a “normality” in human society and we are born into it. This is the reason why is so important, SO IMPORTANT to practice mindfulness. It is CRUCIAL to practice Self-Love until it transforms into our true nature. It is beyond important to remind ourselves daily of how absolutely stunning we are! How powerful we are! Remember that if you don’t like something in your current reality, you can always change it. You HAVE the POWER to change it. Please remember that. We didn’t come here to sabotage our happiness, we came here to create the biggest blissful path the world has ever seen!

I invite you to look at yourself in the mirror and say looking straight into your eyes how extremely beautiful you are. Whether you believe it or not, it is true.

I invite you to imagine the happiest life that you could ever have.

I invite you to give yourself permission to bring that into your current reality.

I invite you to believe in yourself.

I invite you to forgive yourself.

I invite you to love yourself.

I invite you.

Will you take the invitation?

Breaking the Vegan Code

I sit on my desk that overlooks the beautiful garden we have still hesitating about writing this blog. However, the message has been quite clear for the past weeks. Plus, I sent a newsletter earlier in the week saying this blog will be posted tomorrow... I did that on purpose. Yup, I did it on purpose because I know myself fairly well and at times I can convince myself out of doing some things. Let me explain to you the reasoning behind my hesitation.

Veganism can be quite intense. I am referring to the ones labeling themselves as “vegan.” Before I continue, let me say something. Know this is my own experience. This is the way my system sees and feels things based on personal events. There is absolutely nothing wrong with calling oneself vegan. What people choose to eat, it is their right. This experience of life is the freedom to explore in different ways distinct things in order to expand your consciousness. I am not writing this blog for people to be upset at me or to call me names. If you choose to do so it is on you. I am sharing my experience because it is very important to expand the mind and see things from a diverse perspective. I respect every single human being, whether they are vegan, vegetarian, pescatarians, meat eaters, etc. I love everyone equally.

Ok, back to what I was elaborating on. Vegans are seen on tv protesting and being so strong in their own beliefs conveying that their way of life is better than the rest. Amor has a dear friend that used to do such things and his actions don’t make us love him any less. As a matter of fact, we respect what he is doing and what he has done in the past. He does it all from his heart space and he sees it as the right thing to do. It is all based on perception. So the reason why I was hesitant was because of my fear of being judged by people that have been close to me or are close to me at this moment in time. However, I understood that regardless of my beliefs, if someone wants to be in my close circle of friends, nothing will get in the way. And so I find myself writing this blog.

I used to consider myself as vegan. I labeled myself and I had no idea I had given birth to a code in my system. I saw it as “YES! I’m vegan! I’m healthy! I don’t harm any living creatures or organisms.” So, with the consciousness of that moment, I was doing the absolute right thing for my growth and for my system. Things changed this past July when a dear friend Serena went to Las Vegas to facilitate an innerdance (Kundalini energy activation) immersion. Amor and I were there as well visiting my family. Serena stayed with us at my parents’ house. It was completely awesome having her around. I resonate with her experiences so much and we both get our way of speaking in code. We were in the kitchen enjoying a small meal with my parents. They eat all kinds of things and deeply enjoy it. It is actually kinda nice watching them eat food that brings them joy. My mom had bought a pineapple upside down cake. My favorite growing up! Of course, non vegan. My dad asked me if I wanted some, I said “no.” He then asked Serena if she wanted a piece. First she said ‘no.” He made a comment and then she said “Alright. Alright. Just a small piece.” The small piece ended up being two pieces because one did not have some pineapple. This blew my mind.

I know how Serena eats. She mostly has raw food and juices. She doesn’t really eat gluten, nor eggs, or dairy. Pretty much a “raw vegan,” yet she doesn’t label herself as one. She enjoyed it. My dad’s face lit up. He was proud. After witnessing this, I began to observe the way I was with food. My mind would quickly go to “Is it vegan?.... oh no no no no then.” Pretty much considering one better than the other one. Soon I realized that I had boxed myself in the vegan code. I saw and felt how deeply that programming had been running in my system and I didn’t want it to be there any longer. If I choose to eat how a labeled vegan eats, it is one thing, but labeling myself and unconsciously building a code in my being ... no way. There is one thing I use all my practices for and that is to consciously break any codes and programmings in my organism. It is to be free from anything that society penetrated and placed a little seed which grew so strong. It is to enjoy my own existence in its own unique way, choosing what works best for it and what doesn’t. No labels. Being. Just being. So my quest to break the vegan code within myself commenced.

The way it works when something is too engraved in a system and wants to be free from it, is to be reminded of others that have broken the specific code that is being worked on. In my case, the reminder was Serena. I paid deep attention to my mind and my reactions. The reactions not only within me, but also the facial expressions, and the way I would move my physical body in order to communicate that something wasn’t agreeing with me. This non agreement wasn’t because I chose it, but it was due to the code. It was quite hard at the beginning. Almost like telling a lefty not to use the left hand from then on and only the right. The system has to re-wire itself and it is not something as easily done. Luckily, at the beginning I didn’t have many instances where I was put face to face with the code. Things changed during the very first night of an Ayahuasca retreat we were part of.

We were told to arrive at a specific time and dinner was going to be served. So this is when the code activated itself even more. I immediately assumed whatever was going to be served was going to be vegan... again... the labels. Well, let me tell you that it wasn’t. It was vegetarian. Ha ha ha. I received the bowl and saw this orange yellow thing in the soup. My mind freaked out.

“Is this an egg?”

Yup! It definitely was an egg.

“Fuck! It is all over this thing... I can’t... I can’t possibly...”

I caught myself. I took a deep breath and remembered Serena. No food is bad or good. It just is. Take a deep breath. Ok. Good. I saw myself staring at the bowl of food as I was calming my mind and trying to stop the “You can’t eat this” thoughts. They were SOO strong. I looked at Amor. I needed some validation that I could get through this. Yes! This is how strong the code was! He didn’t even look at me. He was completely enjoying the meal.

“Ok. Ok. Ok. You got this.”

I began to eat but I still felt my face morphing into the “ew” face.

“Calm yourself. It is just food.”

Slowly I continued to eat it. I forced myself to eat some of the egg but immediately my system went into shock because it was something you absolutely cannot do when you had labeled yourself as “vegan.”

I definitely didn’t finish it. I completely freaked out inside. I absolutely did not like the feeling. First, because the food was made with love. Second, I watched everyone around eating, they seemed to be enjoy it, and nothing in their faces showed a struggle. So I was the only one struggling to eat something just because it had some egg in it. Nope. I did not like it at all. I felt the code so deep. It was in control. It was in absolute control of my system and for me that is a big no no.

During one of the ceremonies in the retreat, the Mother addressed that:

“It is not what you eat that matters, but how it was cooked. Is it cooked with love? From which space is the idea of feeding someone coming from?”

This blew my mind. I began to think about our plant medicine family. In the little time I have been around them, I have noticed their deep love for existence. You truly get to know someone when you are going through a journey and someone else is taking care of not only you but everyone else that is a part of it. Their faces came to my mind and I felt their deep unconditional love. The love which drives what they do; their service to humanity.

“Ok. Ok.” I can understand that. In a sense I did understand. The fact that I was being like “Ewww! I CANNOT put this in my system!” Was separating the beautiful things the Creator had gifted us. It was a slap in the face saying to Him “this right here is poop!” And it’s not at all. Everything is equally beautiful.

Now, I will share something with you. Please keep your mind open. That is all I ask.

Amor and I have been doing this super powerful meditation for Global Sadhana. Pretty much since the very first day, I have gone under trances. Some of them are quite intense, some are beautiful, some are very gentle. A couple of days ago, I got a message about this code. It made sense, in a very funky way. Here it goes:

If animal farming and animal killing did not exist, would the vegan code even be here? Please just hear me out, because just like you might feel at this moment, I shared that feeling when I heard the message. The fact that the world reached a point where animals are just being farmed and killed to feed most humans in this planet in a sense gave birth to this code. In a sense, it helped people wake up. Why might you ask? First, for seeing how unfair it is for animals. Yes, it is unfair. I completely agree with it. Imagine a world with things reversed. A world where animals farmed humans to eat them, because... why not? They gotta eat, no? So at seeing this unfairness and even perhaps the look in their eyes as they are in a cage knowing, KNOWING they are about to be killed, shifted something within some people’s systems.

This is completely impactful especially when someone feels so much. Now, if the farming hadn’t existed, would the vegan code be so prominent? Perhaps, perhaps not. Perhaps it wouldn’t even exist. Perhaps it would be the norm and it is not even a label. It would just be the normality. So in a sense, without this massacre of animals, most people that labeled themselves as vegans wouldn’t have woken up to a potential within them. This doesn’t mean that eating the way they choose to eat is the only right way. Yes, it is in their system, not in everyone’s. This is very important to remember. Perhaps the path of the ones who farm animals is to do exactly what they are doing to bring forth this revolution and evolution within some. When we look at this from this perspective, in a way, they must be thanked.

I know it sounds so incredibly messed up, but would you stand up for that strong belief within yourself if it hadn’t existed? Would you protest against animal rights? Would you stand outside a butcher store and call the people working there names if such a thing hadn’t even existed? Now... that’s big.

For me for example, I feel deeply, more than you can imagine; more than I can imagine at times. I cannot even kill a fly or watch someone else kill an insect. As a matter of fact, they speak to me and ask for protection. When this happens, I take them outside and let them be in their natural environment. Even when I sweep and by accident I sweep an insect... you know how much that hurts me? I tune into their feelings and it is not fun at times. I even apologize. As silly as that might sound to you. Why? Because I know I am not separate from them. I know that even though I am having a human experience and them an insect experience, we all come from the same Source. That being said, I don’t call myself a vegan anymore.

I choose to eat according to what my system needs. No, this does not mean I eat meat. What I like eating the most is juice and raw veggies with hummus and guacamole. However, I no longer make a face when something is not vegan. I no longer see food as “This is horrible!” Or “This is the greatest thing ever!” I see food as how it is. I see my system as how it is. If it sees something and it wants to try it, ok try it. Why limit your own beautiful experience based on such a deep code that runs from beyond what we can understand?

No. I choose not to live based on coding. I choose to live in freedom experiencing life the way I want and choose to experience it, not the way the collective energy is telling me how to live it. I choose to be free from every single code in this system. I choose freedom from limited beliefs and programmings. I choose to be. I choose to be this organism in its most pure essence, existing in this own way and leading a revolution of consciousness.

I choose the following words:

I am what I am and that is that.

My Guardians: An Unconditional Love Beyond Human

I sit on my desk as I listen to Simrit sing "Sat Narayan" and at the same time the melody of the rain. Life is truly beautiful when we surrender to its flow and to the messages that might seem hidden. Messages are always coming through in one way or another. The rain has its one language. She speaks. So does the Sun and the Moon. The way one person lays down says a lot about the mental state of that particular moment. The way the eyes shine or not. The way one walks. The way a doggie looks at you. I can go on and on and on about different kinds of languages and messages. There is one kind I would like to concentrate on today.

I sat at this specific chair that morning. I was journaling as I watched attentively our garden. Something caught my attention as I listen to the subtleties of the trees and the fruits. I had to move side to side to make sure I was actually seeing what I thought I was seeing. I saw giant white wings. They looked like the ginormous leaves of a banana tree. We have tons of those in the garden. The wings were near them. Hence the movement to make sure I wasn't making things up. As we know, the mind likes to play tricks. I thought that somehow the Sun was hitting the leaves stronger than ever and it was making them seem they were white. Yet these "leaves" did not move. Neither were they leaning like the rest; they were pointing straight up.

I put my pen down on my journal and paid more attention to what my eyes were seeing and what my heart was feeling. Something within said,

"Go outside."

I did.

The moment I reached the porch that overlooks to the garden, something grabbed my hand and took me down towards a spot that Amor and I go quite frequently to watch the sunset and talk. It didn't scared me at all. The energy felt very similar. Perhaps if it had been the first time that something beyond my eyes could see held me, I might've freaked out a bit. However, this has happened multiple times before.

When we reached the spot, we sat down. I was sitting to the left of my Guardian Angel. I knew his presence. The first time he appeared to me, I was laying down on the couch breathing while a friend watched TV in my house in Las Vegas. He placed my hands on my heart and introduced himself. He didn't need much introduction after that. I know his energy. I say him because the name he introduced himself with, is considered a masculine name.

He began to talk to me about my path and how great I am doing staying on top of things. Although most things he said are very personal, there is one thing I do want to share about the conversation.

"Thanks for investigating and coming out of the house. I knew you would."

"Part of me thought it was a banana leave shinning super bright, but I knew better. Something within said to come out and I did."

"I am very glad."

"However, I am wondering why at this moment I am not seeing your wings and I'm just feeling your presence."

"You would freak out if you saw my eyes. You are not ready yet."

"Try me." What a human thing to say.

"You will soon. We are very proud of you. You've come a long way."

"Thank you. I know. It's been beyond intense."

"We know. Keep it up."

"Of course."

"You are meant to do great things and you will. You already are."

"Thank you. I know. I feel it. It humbles me. It transforms my heart into a heart that is beyond human. I have a hard time communicating at times. I feel I speak in code."

"Ha ha ha. Yes, indeed you do. The right ones will understand it."

A day or two later, Amor and I were listening an interview of Joe Dispenza about Light Beings helping him in his courses. This topic completely fascinates me as I have had the experience of these Light Beings helping me through my process. What truly caught my attention was his description of them:

Very tall white beings with a very strong presence.

Tall white beings... I have seen them before...

He said they can't lower their vibrations to meet the "normal" human vibrations because that would mean to lose themselves. Therefore, they ask humans to meet them in the middle. If they were to lower their vibrations to a human level, they might lose themselves, as in stop existing. This is something they don't do as they love themselves so much.

Tall white beings...

A few years ago in 2013, I was suicidal. I was at home, went to the kitchen, grabbed a knife, and went to the room. Apparently I wasn't sneaky enough because my roommate told my husband at the time and he rushed home from work. Yes, the intentions of grabbing the knife was to end this precious life of mine. The knives we had, were not just regular knives, but chef knives. Very very very sharp.

To be completely honest, till this day I am not quite sure what happened. It is all blurry but one part. The door opened, three ginormous white beings entered. I didn't like their presence. They were on a mission and it scared me. They walked like the owned the room. They walked so fiercely and so sure of themselves. They did not even say a word as they moved towards the bed were I was laying freaking out with Matt. One immediately went to my legs and held my ankles down. The other one went to my head and held it down. Matt pushed down on my shoulders. I screamed as the other one was coming towards my face. I tried to move around and throw a fit for them to let me go. I couldn't. I couldn't move. Their strength was beyond human and what in the world was Matt doing?!?! He should be helping me.

The one holding my head down opened up my mouth and there was absolutely nothing I could do to either stop it or close my mouth. I saw the other one approaching me with a syringe. I freaked out even more. I was so scared. I was so scared.

"Who are these people?! What are they doing to me?!"

I was injected in my palate with something. Whatever it was made me pass out. When I woke up, I was in Matt's arms. The door was open. I looked around confused.

"Did anybody come to the room?"

"No," he replied.

However, they had. I knew they had because the suicidal tendencies were no longer there. Rather than feeling hopeless and lifeless, I felt full of unconditional love. Matt saw it too. He saw my eyes and could tell something in me had shifted.

As Joe Dispenza kept talking about it, that memory came up. I understood why my Guardian Angel had said I'd freak out if I saw his eyes. I was gonna recognize him and it was gonna take me back to that experience. The next morning I talked to him.

"We had done the math and we had a specific amount of time in which we needed to do what was necessary to help you. We knew you were gonna kill yourself. It wasn't your time yet. You were making it so difficult."

"I was scared. I didn't know what was going on."

"Yes. We know."

"Joe Dispenza said..."

"Yes. We got back right on time. It was a chance we were willing to take for you. We are your Guardians."

I was speechless. An overwhelming feeling of gratitude came through. They... they... put their own existence in the line to help me... they almost lost themselves. All of this was done by the unconditional love to me... to ME. And to think that at those moments, I felt so lonely and that noone ever cared for me. Yet, they were there watching over me, guiding me even though I couldn't see them or feel them. My Guardians not only were there at every step of the way, but they sacrificed their own existence for ME.

To help ME.

To save ME.

Gratitude doesn't even cut it.

So I sit here sharing this experience with an immense heart. A heart that once thought it was just a human heart and now knows it goes beyond it. A heart that if it wasn't for them, I wouldn't be here writing these words. A heart that is never alone. A heart that when looking at things from the bigger perspective of life, is not even mine or theirs. It's OURS.

💞💞💞

Estoy sentada en mi escritorio escuchando la canción "Sat Narayan" de Simrit y al mismo tiempo, la melodía de la lluvia. La vida es completamente hermosa cuando nos rendimos a su flujo y a los mensajes que parecen estar escondidos.
Los mensajes siempre vienen de una manera u otra. La lluvia tiene su propio idioma. Ella habla como el Sol y La Luna. La manera como una persona se echa dice bastante del estado mental en el cual está en ese momento. La manera como los ojos brillan o no. La manera como uno camina. La manera como un perrito te mira. Puedo seguir y seguir con los ejemplos de diferente tipos de lenguajes y mensajes. Hay un tipo en el cual me quiero concentrar hoy.

Esa mañana estaba sentada en esta misma silla. Estaba escribiendo en mi diario mientras también prestaba bastante atención a nuestro jardín. Algo me llamó la atención mientras escuchaba la sutiles de los árboles y frutas. Tuve que moverme de lado a lado para confirmar lo que pensaba haber visto. Vi unas alas blancas gigantes. Parecían las hojas gigantes de un árbol de plátano. Tenemos tantos de estos en el jardín. Las alas estaban cerquísimas a ellos. Por eso me movía tanto para saber que no me estaba imaginando cosas. Como sabemos, a la mente le encanta jugar. Pensé que fácil la luz del Sol brillaba tanto en las hojas que hacía que parezcan blancas. La cosa es que estas "hojas" no se movían. Y no estaban inclinadas como las demás pero derechitas.

Solté mi lapicero y lo puse en mi diario para poder prestar más atención a lo que mis ojos estaban viendo y a lo que mi corazón estaba sintiendo.
Algo dentro de mí me dijo,

"Anda afuera."

Lo hice.

Cuando llegué al porche que mira desde arriba al jardín, algo agarró mi mano y me guió hacia el lugar donde Amor y yo vamos frecuentemente a ver la postada del sol. No me dió nada de miedo. La energía que sentí fue bien conocida. Fácil si esto hubiera pasado por primera vez, sí que me hubiera asustado y harto. Pero ya ha pasado bastantes veces.

Cuando llegamos al lugar nos sentamos. Me senté al costado izquierdo de mi Ángel Guardián. Conozco su presencia. La primera vez que se me apareció, estaba echada en el sofá respirando mientras una amiga veía televisión en mi casa en Las Vegas. Él puso sus manos en mi corazón y se presentó. Después de eso no necesitaba más introducciones. Conozco su energía. Digo él porque el nombre con el cual se introdujo es un nombre masculino.

Él empezó a hablarme de mi camino y el buen trabajo que estoy haciendo con todas las cosas. Aunque la mayoría de las cosas que dijo son bien personales, quiero compartir una de ellas.

"Gracias por investigar y salir de la casa. Sabia que ibas a venir."

"Parte de mí pensó que era una hoja de plátano brillando bastante, pero supe mejor. Algo dentro de mí me dijo que salga y lo hice."

"Me da mucho gusto."

"Aunque en este momento me estoy preguntando por qué no veo tus alas y sólo siento tu presencia."

"Te asustarias bastante si vieras mis ojos. No estás lista todavía."

"Inténtalo." Que cosa tan humana de decir.

"Las verás pronto. Estamos muy orgullosos de tí. Has pasado por tantas cosas."

"Gracias. Lo sé. Ha sido mucho más que intenso."

"Lo sabemos. Continúa con todo."

"Por supuesto."

"Has venido acá para hacer grandes cosas y lo harás. Ya lo estás haciendo."

"Gracias. Lo sé. Lo siento. Me da más humildad. Transforma mi corazón a un corazón más que humano. Aveces se me hace difícil comunicarme. Siento que hablo en código. "

" Ja ja ja. Si, ciertamente lo haces. Los adecuados lo entenderán. "

Un día o dos días después, Amor y yo estábamos escuchando una entrevista de Joe Dispenza sobre Seres de Luz ayudándole en sus cursos. Este tema me fascina ya que estos Seres me han ayudado tanto en mi proceso. Lo que realmente me llamó la atención fue la descripción de estos Seres:

Seres blancos y muy altos con una presencia bien fuerte.

Seres blancos y altos ... los he visto antes...

Él dijo que dichos Seres no pueden bajar sus vibraciones para llegar a las vibraciones "normales" humanas porque eso significaría que se perderían. Por lo tanto, ellos les piden a los humanos de encontrarse en la mitad. Si ellos bajan sus vibraciones a un nivel humano, se podrían perder; osea dejar de existir. Esto es algo que no hacen ya que se aman tanto.

Seres altos y blancos...

Hace un par de años en el 2013, yo era suicida. Estaba en la casa, fui a la cocina, agarré un cuchillo y me fui al cuarto. Aparentemente no lo hice a escondidas porque mi compañero de piso llamó al que era mi esposo y él regresó a la casa al toque. Sí, la intención que tenía era de quitar la bella vida que tengo. Los cuchillos que teníamos no eran cuchillos normales sino cuchillos de chef. Muy muy muy afilados.

Honestamente hasta este día no sé exactamente lo que pasó. Todo está súper borroso menos una parte. La puerta se abrió y tres seres súper gigantes blancos entraron. No me gustó la presencia de ellos. Tenían una misión y eso me asustó. Caminaron como si fuera su cuarto. Caminaron ferozmente y bien seguros de sí mismos. No dijeron ninguna palabra mientras se acercaban a la cama donde estaba echada con Matt volviéndome loca. Inmediatamente uno se acercó a mis piernas y me agarró los tobillos. El otro se fue hacia mi cabeza y la aguantó. Matt puso presión en mis hombros para no poder moverlos. Grité cuando me di cuenta que el otro se estaba acercando hacia mi cara. Intenté de moverme y soltarme de ellos pero no pude. No me pude mover para nada. La fuerza de estos seres era más que humana. Y que cosa estaba haciendo Matt?!? Me debería de ayudar.

El que mantenía mi cabeza abrió mi boca y no pude hacer nada para pararlo o cerrarla. Vi que el otro se me acercaba con una jeringa. Me asusté mucho más. Tenía tanto miedo. Tanto miedo.

"Quienes son estas personas?! Y que me están haciendo?!"

Me inyectaron en mi paladar con algo. Fuera lo que fuera me hizo perder el conocimiento. Cuando me desperté estaba en los brazos de Matt. La puerta estaba abierta. Miré alrededor del cuarto confundida.

"Alguien entró al cuarto?"

"No," respondió él.

Sin embargo, sí que entraron. Supe que sí habían entrado porque mis tendencias suicidas ya no estaban en mi sistema. En vez de sentirme sin esperanza y sin vida, me sentía llena de amor incondicional. Matt también se dió cuenta. Él vió mis ojos y supo que algo había cambiado en mí.

Mientras Joe Dispenza seguía hablando del tema, esta memoria regresó. Entendí porque mi Ángel de la Guardia me había dicho que me iba a asustar si veía sus ojos. Lo iba a identificar y eso me iba a regresar a esa experiencia. El día siguiente hablé con él.

"Hicimos el cálculo y teníamos un tiempo limitado en el cual teníamos que hacer lo necesario para ayudarte. Sabíamos que te ibas a quitar la vida. No era tu tiempo todavía. Hiciste todo más difícil de lo que tenía que ser."

"Tenía mucho miedo y no sabía lo que estaba pasando."

"Sí. Lo sabemos."

"Joe Dispenza dijo..."

"Sí. Regresamos a tiempo. Era la única oportunidad y estábamos dispuestos a tomarla por ti. Somos tus Guardianes."

Me quedé sin palabras. Una enorme sensación de gratitud llenó mi ser. Ellos... ellos... pusieron su existencia en el fuego para ayudarme... casi se pierden. Todo esto fue hecho por el amor incondicional hacia mí... hacia MÍ. Y pensar que en esos momentos me sentía tan sola y que a nadie le importaba. Pero ellos me estaban protegiendo y guiándome aunque no los podía ni ver ni sentir. Mis Guardianes no solamente estuvieron ahí conmigo todo el tiempo sino que sacrificaron sus propias existencias por mí.

Para ayudarme.

Para salvarme.

Decir que tengo tanta gratitud no se compara a lo que siento.

Sentada comparto esta experiencia con un corazón tan inmenso. Un corazón que alguna vez pensó que solo era un corazón humano y ahora es mucho más que eso. Un corazón que si no fuera por ellos, no estaría aquí escribiendo estas palabras. Un corazón que nunca ha estado sólo. Un corazón que si se ve desde una perspectiva más grande de la vida, no es ni mío ni de ellos. Es de nosotros.

Shiva & Shakti

Friday, May 24 2019

Qosqo, Peru

Yesterday tired me so much.
Amor and I went to the Temple of the Monkey to take pictures and videos of me channeling. Channeling itself is a bit tiring at times. It was such a beautiful day. First, we went to Mercado San Blas to have breakfast and then we grabbed some cookies from this vegan shop to take them up with us.

Truly being up there is so much nicer than being in the city. I think it's simply because it's nature. We both miss nature; the air is fresher, the breeze is nicer and yes of course the no pollution thing, but it's beyond that. There is such a beautiful energy there that cannot be limited with a description of written words.

Since innerdance had played (and still does) such an important role in my awakening process, we decided to channel the Shakti energy. I will definitely type out what she said. To be completely honest, I didn't know much of her, just what I was told during both Kundalini Yoga Teacher Trainings, that truly wasn't much.

During the first one, we were told that the goal was to move Shakti from the bottom of the spine to the top where Shiva was in stillness waiting for her. During the second one with Yogi Amandeep, the point was to do only one Kriya to wake her up. Little did he know that Shakti in me was already dancing with Shiva.

This is one of the things that came out yesterday; Shakti said that it is not that Shiva is in stillness, they dance together always because they are not separate... funny how we "change" some things. Perhaps it's the duality world, perhaps it's ignorance, perhaps it's the part of all of the programming we had been tied to since we came into this existence.

So, I think it's necessary to go deeper in this subject, no guides?

Ok... I got my cup of coffee and my bottle of water, so let's begin. Shall we, guides?

"Let's"

Yesterday. Some truly amazing info about Shakti came through, specially that Shiva and Shakti constantly dance together. Could you go more in depth about it? Por favor.

"Humans believe that everything is separate, that who is writing this is separate from who is watching it happen, that a mother is separate from a child, that a chair is separate from the table, that a country is separate from who inhabits it. That all humans are separate from each other. However, the reality is that Creation is dancing with itself.

There is a reason why you are sitting down writing as things come through while your neck adjusts itself and Derek is innerdancing in the room while his neck is also adjusting itself. Both of you are going through experiencing the Union State; the State in which there is no separation, but a dance in which if you move this way, he also moves the same way. In other words, the totality of life being experienced in what is believed to be two different physical bodies and beings all together, which behind it all, is the same energy being moved away and dancing with itself.

When we come from the perspective of the totality of life, we understand that nothing is separate, that everything is moving and morphing at the same time, yet it is not. This is the reason why it has been believed that Shiva is in stillness, because he truly is, yet st the same time he is dancing with Shakti in ecstasy. These two things are happening simultaneously --> the stillness and the dance.

When you go to the very point of existence, the nothingness, the stillness, the zero point, there is absolutely nothing in motion, but when you understand that in order for consciousness to experience itself, it had to create its own form and expression; you can see the beautiful dance of life moving with full awareness that at the same time, is in stillness.

Your neck at this moment is going through the dance, as the cervical spine adjusts itself, as consciousness dances with the very same zero point of existence: stillness.

These are concepts so simple yet humans complicate everything because there is this programming that it couldn't be possible for things to be so simple. However, how and why would life complicate itself? It's just dancing, it's enjoying every single moment of its existence in ecstasy.

Think about a moment in time where you were dancing, whether it was alone or with friends. Describe it to me."

I was at EDC Las Vegas with Matt and a bunch of my besties.

“How did you feel?”

Extremely happy. On top of the world, like nothing could ever stop me yet all the pain I had within me was releasing as I danced in pure bliss.

“Exactly. That is the Dance. All these emotions believed to be negative are just as important as the ones that are believed to be positive. They both dance together in ecstasy when it's allowed. That is the Dance, Shiva and Shakti. They are both everywhere. All around. It's not just the energy within the spinal column, it's life itself. Makes sense?”

Ya, so how can we, as humans, be more aware of the presence of both at the same time?

"Well, it's simple --> it's existence itself. When thinking about the pool of where everything became everything, there is no separation. When knowing that there is not separation, it's understood that everything is the whole and with this awareness is understood that as you move, so does she. As you speak, so does he. As Shakti dances, so does Shiva, as Shiva remains in stillness so does Shakti.

Understand that beyond everything you are experiencing, there is a point that moves so fast, it is seen as stillness, like light and again, as life. Life is constantly moving, yet you experience stillness. It's not that life is in a still mode, it's that is constantly moving at such a fast speed that cannot be seen, yet it's in stillness and at the same time in motion.

Go beyond the belief that only one thing happens at the same time, because that is not how it works. Everything is happening at the same time all the time.

Everything.

EVERYTHING.

So when you believe that a problem has been created, the solution for such problem was created at the same time. Everything is there, but because humans tend to name things, they see it as separation, but it's not. They are both there working in unison and doing the same dance: Shiva and Shakti’s dance.”

Ah.

”You and Derek are doing the dance, with your physical bodies, which in reality is One, with your awareness, with your energy, with your thoughts, with your words, with your emotions. The bodies are shifting because the awareness has reached them and they are moving with the Dance of Union.”

How can we make the dance as smooth as possible?

“Let it be. Let it dance. How does it feel like when you are dancing and someone comes, stops and blocks it from flowing?”

Sucks.

“It's the same thing. Both consciousness are remembering; have remembered that they are one and they are dancing in ecstasy shooting signals to every part of the Being (you both) so the Being itself can experience totality. If you both stop it, if one of you stops it, like you said, sucks, the process becomes confused given that it just wants to dance with its full awareness.”

Ah

“So why would you want to stop it?”

Because we have things to do.

“And such things are more important than the Dance of totality?”

No.

“So why do you stop it?”

Because of fear.

“Fear of what?”

Of truly knowing, experience and live the truth.

“Why is that fearful?”

I can't speak for D, but for me ... I went through massive changes super quick. The life I had designed and manifested collapsed. It was scary as fuck. Who I believed to be, turned out it wasn't even me. So, who the hell was I? I suffered. I suffered a lot, yet I know I had designed it all to wake up to my truth; to dance like you said, but it doesn't change the fact that it was fucking scary. It hurt and I felt completely and utterly crazy.

“You still identity yourself with that one being.”

Yes.

“Why don't you let her go?”

Fear?

“Of what?”

Fear... fear of what others would say.
Fear of failing.
Fear of losing.
Fear, just irrational fear.

“Irrational fear indeed. People love you. You have a lot of wisdom that came through experience. You are not failing; you are succeeding in multiple dimensions and you are gaining more than you believe. So what is the reason behind this all?”

Since all these things came to my awareness, I worked so hard to reach the level of what we call Enlightenment and to be completely honest, I didn't think it was reachable; it was almost like a myth, until I met Babaji in Kathmandu. The myth dissolved and it became reality. Yet, I didn't think... part of me didn't think it was attainable for me. Yet a bigger part of me knew, that of course I can be there, why couldn't I? It's just... I'm not even sure. I'm just a "normal" girl. Who am I to reach that level of awareness?

“You are not just a normal girl.
You are the totality of existence.
You are life itself.
You are consciousness, full consciousness dancing in bliss.”

Right. I know that. I do, but how do I let the other part go? So the dance is free to do its thing?

“You are going through a big process. The awakening process is something so beautiful and simple and you are complicating it. Let it be. Let it flow. Trust and let go. You are being shown who you are and you are questioning things because you don't want to let go of who you had believed to be. How could you possibly experience totality if you are stuck in separation?

In order for you to know who you are
You must drop who you think you are

You are not this.
You are not that.
You just are.”

Ok.

“When you surrender and let things flow, it all comes. It's that simple.”

Lol. Super simple and no I'm not mocking.

“We know”

Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I am beyond grateful.

“We are aware =)
Thank you.
We love you.”

And I love you.

“💗💗💗”