I sit on my desk that overlooks the beautiful garden we have still hesitating about writing this blog. However, the message has been quite clear for the past weeks. Plus, I sent a newsletter earlier in the week saying this blog will be posted tomorrow... I did that on purpose. Yup, I did it on purpose because I know myself fairly well and at times I can convince myself out of doing some things. Let me explain to you the reasoning behind my hesitation.
Veganism can be quite intense. I am referring to the ones labeling themselves as “vegan.” Before I continue, let me say something. Know this is my own experience. This is the way my system sees and feels things based on personal events. There is absolutely nothing wrong with calling oneself vegan. What people choose to eat, it is their right. This experience of life is the freedom to explore in different ways distinct things in order to expand your consciousness. I am not writing this blog for people to be upset at me or to call me names. If you choose to do so it is on you. I am sharing my experience because it is very important to expand the mind and see things from a diverse perspective. I respect every single human being, whether they are vegan, vegetarian, pescatarians, meat eaters, etc. I love everyone equally.
Ok, back to what I was elaborating on. Vegans are seen on tv protesting and being so strong in their own beliefs conveying that their way of life is better than the rest. Amor has a dear friend that used to do such things and his actions don’t make us love him any less. As a matter of fact, we respect what he is doing and what he has done in the past. He does it all from his heart space and he sees it as the right thing to do. It is all based on perception. So the reason why I was hesitant was because of my fear of being judged by people that have been close to me or are close to me at this moment in time. However, I understood that regardless of my beliefs, if someone wants to be in my close circle of friends, nothing will get in the way. And so I find myself writing this blog.
I used to consider myself as vegan. I labeled myself and I had no idea I had given birth to a code in my system. I saw it as “YES! I’m vegan! I’m healthy! I don’t harm any living creatures or organisms.” So, with the consciousness of that moment, I was doing the absolute right thing for my growth and for my system. Things changed this past July when a dear friend Serena went to Las Vegas to facilitate an innerdance (Kundalini energy activation) immersion. Amor and I were there as well visiting my family. Serena stayed with us at my parents’ house. It was completely awesome having her around. I resonate with her experiences so much and we both get our way of speaking in code. We were in the kitchen enjoying a small meal with my parents. They eat all kinds of things and deeply enjoy it. It is actually kinda nice watching them eat food that brings them joy. My mom had bought a pineapple upside down cake. My favorite growing up! Of course, non vegan. My dad asked me if I wanted some, I said “no.” He then asked Serena if she wanted a piece. First she said ‘no.” He made a comment and then she said “Alright. Alright. Just a small piece.” The small piece ended up being two pieces because one did not have some pineapple. This blew my mind.
I know how Serena eats. She mostly has raw food and juices. She doesn’t really eat gluten, nor eggs, or dairy. Pretty much a “raw vegan,” yet she doesn’t label herself as one. She enjoyed it. My dad’s face lit up. He was proud. After witnessing this, I began to observe the way I was with food. My mind would quickly go to “Is it vegan?.... oh no no no no then.” Pretty much considering one better than the other one. Soon I realized that I had boxed myself in the vegan code. I saw and felt how deeply that programming had been running in my system and I didn’t want it to be there any longer. If I choose to eat how a labeled vegan eats, it is one thing, but labeling myself and unconsciously building a code in my being ... no way. There is one thing I use all my practices for and that is to consciously break any codes and programmings in my organism. It is to be free from anything that society penetrated and placed a little seed which grew so strong. It is to enjoy my own existence in its own unique way, choosing what works best for it and what doesn’t. No labels. Being. Just being. So my quest to break the vegan code within myself commenced.
The way it works when something is too engraved in a system and wants to be free from it, is to be reminded of others that have broken the specific code that is being worked on. In my case, the reminder was Serena. I paid deep attention to my mind and my reactions. The reactions not only within me, but also the facial expressions, and the way I would move my physical body in order to communicate that something wasn’t agreeing with me. This non agreement wasn’t because I chose it, but it was due to the code. It was quite hard at the beginning. Almost like telling a lefty not to use the left hand from then on and only the right. The system has to re-wire itself and it is not something as easily done. Luckily, at the beginning I didn’t have many instances where I was put face to face with the code. Things changed during the very first night of an Ayahuasca retreat we were part of.
We were told to arrive at a specific time and dinner was going to be served. So this is when the code activated itself even more. I immediately assumed whatever was going to be served was going to be vegan... again... the labels. Well, let me tell you that it wasn’t. It was vegetarian. Ha ha ha. I received the bowl and saw this orange yellow thing in the soup. My mind freaked out.
“Is this an egg?”
Yup! It definitely was an egg.
“Fuck! It is all over this thing... I can’t... I can’t possibly...”
I caught myself. I took a deep breath and remembered Serena. No food is bad or good. It just is. Take a deep breath. Ok. Good. I saw myself staring at the bowl of food as I was calming my mind and trying to stop the “You can’t eat this” thoughts. They were SOO strong. I looked at Amor. I needed some validation that I could get through this. Yes! This is how strong the code was! He didn’t even look at me. He was completely enjoying the meal.
“Ok. Ok. Ok. You got this.”
I began to eat but I still felt my face morphing into the “ew” face.
“Calm yourself. It is just food.”
Slowly I continued to eat it. I forced myself to eat some of the egg but immediately my system went into shock because it was something you absolutely cannot do when you had labeled yourself as “vegan.”
I definitely didn’t finish it. I completely freaked out inside. I absolutely did not like the feeling. First, because the food was made with love. Second, I watched everyone around eating, they seemed to be enjoy it, and nothing in their faces showed a struggle. So I was the only one struggling to eat something just because it had some egg in it. Nope. I did not like it at all. I felt the code so deep. It was in control. It was in absolute control of my system and for me that is a big no no.
During one of the ceremonies in the retreat, the Mother addressed that:
“It is not what you eat that matters, but how it was cooked. Is it cooked with love? From which space is the idea of feeding someone coming from?”
This blew my mind. I began to think about our plant medicine family. In the little time I have been around them, I have noticed their deep love for existence. You truly get to know someone when you are going through a journey and someone else is taking care of not only you but everyone else that is a part of it. Their faces came to my mind and I felt their deep unconditional love. The love which drives what they do; their service to humanity.
“Ok. Ok.” I can understand that. In a sense I did understand. The fact that I was being like “Ewww! I CANNOT put this in my system!” Was separating the beautiful things the Creator had gifted us. It was a slap in the face saying to Him “this right here is poop!” And it’s not at all. Everything is equally beautiful.
Now, I will share something with you. Please keep your mind open. That is all I ask.
Amor and I have been doing this super powerful meditation for Global Sadhana. Pretty much since the very first day, I have gone under trances. Some of them are quite intense, some are beautiful, some are very gentle. A couple of days ago, I got a message about this code. It made sense, in a very funky way. Here it goes:
If animal farming and animal killing did not exist, would the vegan code even be here? Please just hear me out, because just like you might feel at this moment, I shared that feeling when I heard the message. The fact that the world reached a point where animals are just being farmed and killed to feed most humans in this planet in a sense gave birth to this code. In a sense, it helped people wake up. Why might you ask? First, for seeing how unfair it is for animals. Yes, it is unfair. I completely agree with it. Imagine a world with things reversed. A world where animals farmed humans to eat them, because... why not? They gotta eat, no? So at seeing this unfairness and even perhaps the look in their eyes as they are in a cage knowing, KNOWING they are about to be killed, shifted something within some people’s systems.
This is completely impactful especially when someone feels so much. Now, if the farming hadn’t existed, would the vegan code be so prominent? Perhaps, perhaps not. Perhaps it wouldn’t even exist. Perhaps it would be the norm and it is not even a label. It would just be the normality. So in a sense, without this massacre of animals, most people that labeled themselves as vegans wouldn’t have woken up to a potential within them. This doesn’t mean that eating the way they choose to eat is the only right way. Yes, it is in their system, not in everyone’s. This is very important to remember. Perhaps the path of the ones who farm animals is to do exactly what they are doing to bring forth this revolution and evolution within some. When we look at this from this perspective, in a way, they must be thanked.
I know it sounds so incredibly messed up, but would you stand up for that strong belief within yourself if it hadn’t existed? Would you protest against animal rights? Would you stand outside a butcher store and call the people working there names if such a thing hadn’t even existed? Now... that’s big.
For me for example, I feel deeply, more than you can imagine; more than I can imagine at times. I cannot even kill a fly or watch someone else kill an insect. As a matter of fact, they speak to me and ask for protection. When this happens, I take them outside and let them be in their natural environment. Even when I sweep and by accident I sweep an insect... you know how much that hurts me? I tune into their feelings and it is not fun at times. I even apologize. As silly as that might sound to you. Why? Because I know I am not separate from them. I know that even though I am having a human experience and them an insect experience, we all come from the same Source. That being said, I don’t call myself a vegan anymore.
I choose to eat according to what my system needs. No, this does not mean I eat meat. What I like eating the most is juice and raw veggies with hummus and guacamole. However, I no longer make a face when something is not vegan. I no longer see food as “This is horrible!” Or “This is the greatest thing ever!” I see food as how it is. I see my system as how it is. If it sees something and it wants to try it, ok try it. Why limit your own beautiful experience based on such a deep code that runs from beyond what we can understand?
No. I choose not to live based on coding. I choose to live in freedom experiencing life the way I want and choose to experience it, not the way the collective energy is telling me how to live it. I choose to be free from every single code in this system. I choose freedom from limited beliefs and programmings. I choose to be. I choose to be this organism in its most pure essence, existing in this own way and leading a revolution of consciousness.
I choose the following words:
I am what I am and that is that.